Daily Archives: 160408

A Lot Like Love

In the arms of an Angel,
Fly away from here,
From this dark, cold hotel room,
And the endlessness that you fear,
You are pulled from the wreckage,
Of you silent reverie,
You’re in the arms of an Angel,
May you find some comfort here.

You called today. And i didnt know how much it would still affect me, until it happened. Tears rolling down my cheeks, i tried so hard to tell you, how i really felt. But i choked on my own words, and nothing right came out. Then i hung up. And you messaged me.

“I REALLY REALLY wanted to be the one to save you
from all your problems,
I wanted to give you the world!”

Thats why you left me, and then got back with me, made love to me, only to leave me on the same day again. Then showed up and pretended to be there for me, kissed me, held me, then messaged me the next day to tell me you couldnt anymore. And thats why you showed up again on that very same day to tell me you’d be there, then fought with me, walked away and then ignored me. And after a week u decide to call me, to blame me for everything that ever happened between us, and to tell me that its my fault. Then you ignore me again. Happiness, is clearly not what you’ve intended for me.

“I had so many dreams, so that i could make you the proudest person ever!”

Then why did you get mad at me each and every time i told you to push yourself to achieve what you wanted. Everytime i told you that if u tried harder, you’d make it in life. Everytime i told you that you were deserving, and that someday, you’d be someone that matters, and even if that day wasnt anywhere near now, i’d still be there for you through your journey.

“It felt so stupid not wanting to be with you coz I LOVED YOU!!
I just want to say sorry if i’ve hurt you.
And i’m REALLY REALLY sorry about the abortion

If you’ve hurt me? After everything, you still say IF ? Nothing is clearer than the pain i’ve felt without you. Its only been 2 weeks, but those 2 weeks have felt like forever. Does it matter that i’d still try to be there for you even after everything you put me through? No. Because no matter how much i’ve tried, it has never been good enough for you.

Have you seen what you’ve done to me? Do you realise? Do you care?
I started off this post in tears. Continued on feeling sad. But as I reach the end, I realise once again, that maybe, just maybe, I dont need want you in my life anymore. That i’d be better off without you. And maybe, someday, you wouldn’t be able to affect me at all. Til then, i sincerely hope that u suffer live the life that u deserve.

I’d give anything to smile again
To laugh and mean it
To be able to love someone
I’d give anything
To just be happy again

I should

You tell me that you need me..
Then you go and cut me down, but wait…
You tell me that you’re sorry…
Didn’t think I’d turn around, and say…
That it’s too late to apologize, it’s TOO LATE..

I should be studying. should. But no, i’m online, going through whatever rubbish sites i happen to think of. It really isn’t fair how easilly distracted I am. Take for example, yesterday. I was going to catch up on some sleep after the exams. Was being the keyword. That was before i got distracted by someone and decided to go out. To make things worse, i got back after that and still couldnt sleep. Not til 3! Is it a wonder why i look half dead? Is it a wonder why I cant seem to recover from this stupid flu?! Oh yea, i’m sick!
I hate being sick!

I need to go to the clinic. But i dislike going there. Clinics scare me. But I just might have to go. Blocked nose. Dry throat. Burning eyes. Pounding headache. I cant sleep. I cant eat. I cant breathe properly. I cant even finish writing a sentence for my exam without having to sneeze. And it doesnt help that the exam hall is cold. Not one bit. Well at least there’s only 2 more exams to go.

Then its back home to penang for a well needed break from everything. 2 weeks of hanging out, relaxing and partying as I like (without having to worry bout transport or friends or classes the next day). Just chilling with whoever I want to. The bestfriend. The good friends. The family. I stupidly gave up everything to be here with the boyfriend, which screwed me over anyways.

Sometimes I really wonder..
How I ever let myself sacrifice so much for him in the first place..