Monthly Archives: August 2008

Lost

Lost in the universe, that’s more frightening than fear,

Lost
in the Earth, where I feel as if nothing is near,


Lost
as a person, lost in this land,


Needing to find myself, but I don’t think i can.

Lost to all feeling, that is felt inside,

Lost
to the sea, and its longing tide,


Lost
to the people who really care,


All these people, never lost but always there.

Lost somewhere, all alone,

Lost
with the world, and its pitiful moan,


Lost
in love, lost in hate,


Just waiting for a chance to lead me with fate.

Lost for words, that I should say,

Lost
for thoughts, even when I pray,


Lost
in mind, lost in hope,


Help me someone, I cannot cope.

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I dare YOU to

I will not blame my pettiness on you, for it is my own choice to say what I will say in this post. I sincerely hope you do not see this post, as it would mean that you have finally decided to leave me alone. I hope that it stays that way for a really really long time.
Just when I thought you had left me alone. Oh and proof that you commented?You claim that I don’t have a facebook coz I’m scared of you. Well, anyone that remotely knows me, knows that I have an account. I just blocked you off. And after being proven wrong, you say you wouldn’t comment, as you better things to do…
And then, you…
…visit, and comment once more. Lol. Just as I was about to post this in hopes that you wouldn’t drop by again, you do that. It doesn’t matter what you want to say in all your childishness. Your blind accusations, and your cursing, only lesson the appeal you were already lacking. Say you dint drop by. Then do just that. You prove your own stupidity when you contradict yourself you know. Oh, and the icing on the cake, just before I blocked you once more…

I’m being petty, I know. Too bad. Just be glad that is all I posted up. You fool.

them and the shopkeeper

Ron, Nat and I were sitting at some shop near my mum’s place, so I could use the internet and stuff. And you know, being lovey dovey and all, they kissed. Then some dude (I dont know if he works there or was just a customer la) came over and told them to be more decent bla bla bla bla…. It’s like the gazillionth time that has happened when I was out, no difference if it was meant for me or whoever I was out with.

What is wrong with you people? What?! You don’t kiss? You don’t hug?
You don’t have sex?
You do right. So shutthefuckup and let other people do what they want to. Not like it was massive making out or something. It was just like little kisses. You want to live in ulu‘ness for the rest of your lives, go ahead. Don’t need to drag us into it as well. Do you see me going to people and telling them to be affectionate in public just coz I think that’s the way it should be?! No kan. Ish!

Seriously. There’s nothing wrong with this country. It’s the bloody people that live in it I tell you.

Anyone care to disagree?

Nat now has a blog. To get to her blog. Click
here

No one knows how strong I’ve been.
No one knows how weak I feel.

Wall E Spoilers

Anything war can do, peace can do better.

Warning – Contains Wall E spoilers.

Went to Sunway with Nat. Just us girls. No bf’s and all. It’s really been ages. Did a little shopping and went to makan all. We also went to the cinema, and watched 2 movies. Too much time to kill I guess. The strangers was freaking scary. I actually screamed quite a few times. If I had something to drink I’m pretty sure I would have like, peed in my skirt. Then we went to watch Wall E. That movie seriously made me cry. I don’t know why exactly, but the way his eyes tilt downwards made him look so pitiful and sad. And how he was the last Wall E left on earth. The way he went through life day by day doing the same thing, like a routine, without having any friends except for the cockroach. All that made me cry. Then he found Eve, but she went into “sleep mode”. And the way he took care of her, was just so heart breaking. That made me cry again. Thank god for the happy ending. Coz if had ended sadly, I would have probably cried all the way out of the cinema.

Anyways, really looking forward to Avril’s concert this weekend. If I really decide to go, it should be nothing but fun. Will be on hiatus til then. I guess. Hugs and kisses.

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world,
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking,
Just so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were all meant to shine, as children do.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

I need a break from everything. I, Charissa Adeline, have decided that I shall be single, until I can no longer take being single anymore. Not such a bad thing right. Maybe I need to like, wait for love to find me again, in a few years time. Coz nothing and no one seems to be able to make me feel the way he did. I can’t be intimate anymore. Period. No conditions, no explanations. I just cant be intimate anymore. Honestly, it’s not that I dont want to, but everytime I let myself think of getting closer to someone in that way, I seem to automatically reject them, and then everything goes bad. It’s an absolute disaster.

I want to be happy. I want to be in love. I want to get married. I want to have kids. But perhaps my dream of having all that before I turn 25 is ridiculous. Well it certainly seems ridiculous now. I should have taken it when I had the chance to, instead of opting to wait. I keep thinking about it. Wondering how life would be if I had made different choices. But then I realise that there’s no point in thinking about it anymore, coz I cant change the past now, can I. Nothing’s ever gonna feel the same again. I guess i’ve just gotta accept that and learn to live with it. But I still want that happiness back. I still want that perfection I found in him. I still want him.

Whats life if it isn’t full of crap, right?

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