It’s a lovely afternoon. The whether as picturesque as it could be. I walk out the back door into a beautiful garden, a tray of freshly baked cookies in hand. I sit down on a bench and lay that tray down on a table next to me. Then I hear laughter from afar. Laughter so sweet and innocent that it could only come from an infant. So I look out of curiosity and see not one, but two children, playing in that garden I’m in. A young boy gently wrestling a golden retriever almost as young as he is. And a slightly younger girl on a swing, giggling in joy.

I hear the door open and out of curiosity again, I look. There stands a strapping young man smiling at me. I get up as he opens his arms and embraces me in such a warm hug. The kids come running towards us calling out daddy in glee. At this point I realise, the garden, the house, the children, the man. Are mine. I feel happiness. I feel calm. I sit down once again on that bench and pick up a cookie. But as I bite into it, I taste nothing. I feel nothing.

Then I look around once more, this time in confusion. The garden disappears and so does the bench that was behind me. I hear no laughter anymore, I see no children, no puppy, no swing. I’m no longer in the arms of the man that I love. I turn, and that beautiful house I came out of is nothing but an empty piece of land. Even the cookie that was in my hand, has vanished. I no longer feel that happiness, I no longer feel that calm. Frantically I try to find a piece of that beautiful life I thought I had. But there is nothing. I start to cry. And then I wake up.

Unreal. The perfection, the emptiness, was nothing but a dream. A dream of what I wish for, and what I fear. This isn’t the first time I’ve had this dream, and I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be the last. It happens over and over again, in almost the exact same way. I’m shown the things that bring me all the joy in the world, to have it taken away before I can really begin to enjoy it. The worst part of it all, is that I do not know what this dream means. I haven’t the slightest clue.

paint my page

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