Daily Archives: 230908

Tell Me

Tell me.

How is a crime for me to not want to fully let go of my past?
Is it my fault that I did not follow in your footsteps?
Is it so awful that I hold on to feelings longer than you do?
That I was so much in love that I still doubt I’d ever feel love like that again.
Do you think it is my choice to cry when I do, or go through the pain I go through?

Why do you say you’ll love me despite all that.
Then expect me to be comfortable with you?

I made it clear, that my past would be something you’d have to deal with.
For a really long time.

It is not my problem that you choose to stay with me for I never expected you to.

I still love him. I still care.
And yes, I still don’t understand why.
But I know I don’t want to let go of those feelings, or delete all those pictures.
I’m not living in the past, I’m merely holding on to it’s memories.

In time, I will forget how I ever felt through that phase of my life.
And I might never feel those feelings again.
So right now, while I still remember.
What harm does it do you if I cry when I do, or go through the pain I go through?

Learn to accept it or grow some balls and walk away.
Coz at this moment, no matter how much it hurts.
I do not want to let go of my past.

And if you really loved me.

You’d let me make that mistake.
You’d let me live that lie.

Buonanotte ed arrivederci

So when we’re apart, and you long for me near
Just try to remember, you’re already here
For deep in my heart, where no one can see
You’ll be forever, together we’ll be.

I came across that somewhere on facebook during one of my many hours of aimless browsing. It was too sweet to resist. Wait, who facebook’s at 6 in the morning right? Unless they’re up early coz of puasa and all. And I’m certainly not. Gosh it’s not like I don’t want to sleep now. I want to. So so badly. But coz of my stupid cough and flu, every time I try to lie down to sleep, my nose gets blocked, then I start coughing from having to breathe through my mouth. I hate being sick. My nose is already sensitive enough as it is, I don’t need a flu to make it worse! Argh!

Even better yet, despite being all sick, I have no choice but to start work again this Thursday. It’s been quite a long break since I really worked (besides events every now and then). This one’s more permanent, which probably means I won’t be able to make random trips to wherever it is I feel like going. No more KL over the weekend. Why? Coz I’ll be working 6 damned days a week and even if I do take a day off, I’d still need another day to recover from fatigue. I’ll find someway to make it down around Raya, coz I have to. And that’s gonna be it for what I predict to be a long long time.

ARGH again!!! My eyes hurt. I’m gonna go try to sleep again now. Maybe I’ll just clip my nose shut or something so it doesn’t freaking annoy me anymore. I hope I continue breathing through my sleep. If I get any that is!

Buonanotte ed arrivederci!