Here’s a whole lot of stuff about me. I figured maybe y’all should get to understand me better now. At this point I’m calling this part one, coz I don’t think I’m done with this post. But I can’t really focus enough to finish it off. So yeah. Here’s part one…

I blog more when I’m truly emotional. Meaning I blog more when I’m having a really good day as well. Not just when I’m sad-emotional okay. That’s why sometimes there are those I-love-everything-about-life posts. I don’t really care much about people sometimes, so these emotions are only triggered by a few specific people.

Those people are the father, the brother, the soulmate and the ex. Only those people and those people only. Anyone else may contribute to how my day goes, but when I’m emotional, I don’t really care.

I hate watching tv. It makes me feel like I’m wasting my life away. But I’m really just too free at home that it’s either that, or sitting on the couch doing nothing. At least the tv can be entertaining.

I love shoes. But I do not waste hours of shopping on shoes. If I really love what I’m looking at, I buy it. If I don’t, I move on. I also believe that I’m all set for probably another half a year. And I do not actually need to own more shoes than I could possibly wear.

I am occasionally bulimic. I binge eat when I’m bored or depressed. And when I’m really full. I do not keep things down. The only reason I stopped doing it for a while was because I’m truly afraid of kidney failure. I wish I could be anorexic. But I don’t have enough determination to stay off food. The day I find such strength, I will loose all this weight.

I have a routine. Where I exercise like mad. For about 4 days. Then I give up on exercising and decide in that moment I’d rather be just fat. It happens every month. Just like my period. The longest I’ve lasted was a month and a half. Then I stopped for half a year.

I love ice cream. In particular, McD’s strawberry sundae. If I am pissed at you, go out, buy that for me, and all is forgiven. Well, at least til the ice cream finishes. I also like McD’s double cheeseburger, banana pie, fillet o fish and fries. I barely eat anything else from there.

My biggest fear is to be alone. I’d rather temporarily be with someone that I do not love, than hang around single. I haven’t been truly single for a time period longer than 3 months since I was 16. I hope to be strong enough to face that fear someday. I’m wishing for that strenght now.

I am a cutter. Do not try to get in the way of my cutting. I have used blades, knives, pins, broken glasses and scissors. I do not do it to seek attention. Neither do I do it with the intentions of dieing. I do it solely because the pain stops me from crying. And when it comes to pain, I prefer the physical kind to the emotional.

Speaking of pain, I am sometimes turned on by it. Hold me down, grab my hair, push me up against the wall. Bite me on my shoulder and I am yours. Or at least know that that’s the closest you’d ever get to making me want you.

I believe that the greatest thing to feel is love. But it is also love that causes the greatest kind of pain. That is why if I had a choice, I’d be with someone that I knew loved me more than I loved him.

If I could, I would marry for money. If I can’t be with the one person I love, I would not go looking for someone else to love. It is not possible. That one person that I love, would also have the ability to walk in and out of my life as he pleases, and I’d never turn away for long. I told you I lack determination.

I multitask. Really badly. Lol. I can talk on the phone, message and chat online at the same time. And I have. But not one of those 3 people understood anything that I was trying to say. I constantly get conversations mixed up when I’m chatting online with too many people at once, and that is why you do not see me on MSN anymore.

I get to know new people almost as easilly as I forget about them. I’m not one to keep in touch constantly. I do not enjoy long awkward conversations over the phone about nothing. I do not answer calls from unknown numbers. And I do not bother replying to random pointless messages.

I really do not know where I’d rather be staying. I get bored in Penang. But I also get bored in KL. That is why the idea of migrating to Australia scares me. Because I’m afraid of moving there, getting bored, and not being able to get away.

I’d rather go clubbing alone than go with people who do not dance. But the worst people to go with are those who try to dance, but can’t. It annoys me.

A lot of things annoy me. Therefore, I can be very bitchy at times. This you should already know. And during moments like those, you should just let me be bitchy and laugh it off. I do not mean to be nasty to anyone. I’m just very honest with my opinions. And you should appreciate it.

paint my page

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