Sometimes, it sucks

I know I ought to be updating. But right now, some things are too private to state publicly. Yes, I’m a girl of many secrets. If you think you know me by just reading my blog, think again. I doubt that there are even 5 people out there who know me inside out. The funny thing is, I really want to be warmer with people. I just don’t know how to. It’s either we click, or we don’t. And it sucks that it’s as plain and simple as that.

Right now, I really wish I had my old friends around. I wish they knew what’s been going on. I wish I could tell them how I feel. I wish I could share my secrets. As much as I hate airing out my dirty laundry, I guess sometimes I just have to. No one can do it alone.

I know there’s that certain few people who I could run to for a heart to heart. But the fact is, I’m just too worn out to be bothered right now. It’s not that things are bad here. It’s just that it can be a little stressful. And until things start to go perfectly, it will continue to be stressful. And I really don’t want to feel this way anymore. I just want to click restart and go back to 2004. Before anything bad ever happened.

You say you want me to have people I could talk to. But then everything has to be adjusted to your situation, your timing. Which leaves me with, no one to talk to but you. And that stresses you out. Don’t you get that the cards are in your hands? The game is in your court? There isn’t anything I could do to make it any better or worse. All that I do is wait. And I don’t know how to just wait anymore.

I can’t predict that things would be perfect. I don’t know if we’ll never fight again. I can’t promise that love would remain the same. All I know is that I will always be here for you. No matter what happens, or how things change, I still know that you are the one. And for that reason solely, I would never walk out on you. Please stop trying to walk out on me.

And to Pineapple. I know you’d read this. Then you’d worry. Then you’d message or try to call me. Then you’d worry even more not being able to really contact me. So i’m just letting you know here that I’ll be okay. I am okay. Just a little tired you know. I’m not running into a wall head on yet, I’m just standing still, waiting for the wall to not be there anymore. So that when it does come down, I can run right past it. Understand? XP

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