She was fine.
Then she heard a familiar song playing. One that she had avoided listening to for so long. But she couldn’t seem to turn it off this time. Even though it had been such a long time, she could still sing to the lyrics or hum to the tune. And as she listened on, she couldn’t help but remember him.
The song. Their song. She remembered him, sitting on his chair, playing the song for her the very first time. She remembered him telling her, it would be the first song they’d dance to together once they were married. She remembered him tearing up as he held her hand. But with a smile so sincere it could have made her cry. She remembered holding back those tears, as his family was just in the hall.
She remembered him singing in the car. So loud she could barely hear the music. So loud she found herself having to tell him to stop, time and time again. She remembered his airy voice. The calm in it. How he looked like from the side, and the funny look he got as he hit the high notes.
She remembered the silly little things he used to do to make her laugh. And how well it worked. She remembered how clumsy he was. And the many times he bumped his head into the guitar by the wall. She remembered getting kicked in the face as he got up. And how they always laughed about it.
She remembered his smile. His lips. His kisses. How his rough lips would always seem so soft and warm. How she’d complain about having to constantly wipe her glasses from his nose touching it. And how she’d give in and end up taking it off. She remembered taking off his glasses as well.
She remembered the many car rides they had. And how he would always hold her hand. She remembered falling asleep on his lap as they sat in the back of the van. And the many other things they found time to do in there as well. She remembered the places he drove to. The trips they went on.
More than anything, she remembered how safe he always made her feel.
But as soon the song started to fade, she pushed her memories away. And she was fine again. She was fine. Even though she knew she didn’t have him anymore.
Even though she could no longer run into his arms. Or hug and kiss him like she used to. Even though she’d never marry him. Or spend the rest of her life with him. Even though she wasn’t getting her fairy tale ending.
She was fine. Coz she had given up. On everything she had believed in. On everything she had tried fighting for. On him. But mostly, because she had given up on herself.
She didn’t want to cry anymore. She didn’t want to live. But all she could do was stay numb. Til the memories came flooding back again.