Am I Alone?

September’s coming. Time has passed faster than I thought it would. Last year I turned 20. I made it a huge deal for the people that were in my life at that point. This year’s my 21st. And it doesn’t feel like anything anymore.

A few months ago, I was busy thinking of all the amazing things I’d be doing with the boyfriend. The soulmate. The bestfriends. The family. But now, nothing. The big 21. My mum’s overseas. My dad doesn’t think of me as family. My brother’s decided to start a silent war. My ex is well, my ex. The soulmate’s gonna be busy with uni. The bestfriends are scattered all over the place. And you have no idea how impossible it is to try and get everyone together at the same time.

I think it’s really that I miss my family now. Friends come and go. And so do boyfriends. But I never thought not having my family around would be something I’d have to deal with. Not so soon. Not like this.

Life goes on. But with my birthday coming up in 2months, I’ve just been reminded of how different I thought things would be at this point. It’s not that everything changed in a matter of seconds. But over the past 3 years, it feels like I’ve lost just about everyone that I’ve loved. And that’s whats painful.

I feel so alone sometimes.

It used to be okay before. When I distracted myself. But now, simply keeping myself busy doesn’t take away that empty feeling. It’s gotten so bad that I just don’t want to bother anymore. I just don’t.

I’m moving again. By the end of this year. At this point, I don’t wanna state where to or when exactly. But I am. I’m moving to get closer. I’m moving to get away. I just need to do something meaningful in my life right now. Something more fulfilling. And I think I’ve found just the thing. I’m just hoping it all goes well.
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