Monthly Archives: September 2009

293

There’re just so many between us huh woman.
And in an hour or so after dinner, I’m heading back to my university…which you dread of (uh woman, it’s my university and YOU dread huh. What irony :P).
The 2-3 days you spent in KL to celebrate your 21st with me means the world to me woman.
And next year, uh-duh, need i say this- YOU will be the star of my 21st.
See, another irony :P
And the bachelorette party.
And the wedding.
And the … well, whatever lah.
Hahaha.
I just remembered woman.
5th November.
It’d be a year of the whole D&A thing.
Oh, it used to be DNA but um. Well.
Now YOU made PineappleMango to appear.
Lol.
I still love my bitchirina.
You’re still Dylan. I don’t care.
And I’m still um. Assyslia. Hahah stupid name. Assylia sounds so much more classy OK? :P
Pictures won’t be up, woman. Brother decided to use my camera.
So the next round you’re here you edit and do whatever lah huh , broadband and all available :P
can’t wait to see you again.
I hope Penang happens by end of the year (:
I’ll miss you so much woman. Am missing you much now.
Oh, you do know that you can drop by my blog and write when you have your connection right (ah, duh? :P).
Miss your pennings in my blog :)
xoxo,
A.

This Game We Play

I am never able to find the right words to express what you mean to me.
No matter how much I try and try, I always fall short.

I know we fight, and hurt each other still. I admit that I play an equal part in that.
We just know each other too well to know which buttons to push.
And sometimes I just can’t help it, even if I see what’s coming.

I know you think that I don’t try. But I really do.
Sometimes it feels like we’re never gonna get through this. But then again, there are those moments that we still share that makes it feel like it’ll be okay.

You confuse me.
When you choose to be, you can be the most annoying, inconsiderate person I’ve had to deal with.
But I don’t hate you. I never could.
Coz I know you well enough to know that you do that in your moments of weakness.
And if we’re to grow through this friendship, it’s something I’ve got to really learn to understand.

I realise that with all the drama that’s been going on the past few months, I haven’t really been able to tell you how much I appreciate everything you did for me.
And I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that you feel I didn’t see how much you try.
I’m sorry that I still asked for more.
I’ve always been aware of the trouble you’ve gone through for me.
And for that I am thankful.

I spend a bundle of my time thinking about what we’ve been through.
What we’ve lost, and how things could have been.
And I don’t know if it means anything to you anymore, that I still care.
Coz sometimes it really feels like you don’t.

I realise things have changed and I can’t run to you and expect to hear that you love me.
Or for you to wrap me in your arms tightly and kiss away the worries.
Although I wish you would, all the time.
But I wish there was a way for us to still talk, the way we used to.

I miss having you around. I miss you understanding me.
You’re the greatest gift I’ve ever gotten in my life. My best “mistake”.

I wouldn’t be the me I am today if it wasn’t for you.

I’d find other words to say it, but my mind goes blank.
Therefore, I love you.
Coz sometimes, as hard as it gets, it’s just as simple as that.

291

“God took Noah into the flood and he also brought him out of it. Similarly,
he has not brought you to this point in your life to just abandon you.”

I know I’ve never been the type of person who’s been religious. And I don’t know sometimes if I really even believe in God the way other people do. But for as long as I can remember, I have believed in everything happening for a reason. And that has gotten me through some really rough patches. In the past year, I’ve been trough more ups and downs that I can remember.
I know I’m not a very open person and I’d really only share my true feelings with a select few people. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t. If only I could pick up my laptop, sign on to msn, and let people know what was going on. Reach out. And ask for help. But time and time again I end up crying myself to sleep, or bottling it up knowing I’d end up exploding anyways.

It’s not as simple as it seems. Some people are just too judgemental. Some end up gossiping and blurting secrets out.

And sometimes its just too hard to say what I really need to.

I guess over time I’ve learnt to more or less deal with everything myself. And even though I may run to a close friend for a shoulder to cry on, at the end of the day, I’m back to being alone again. And I have no choice but to face it all. The days are okay. And going out takes my mind off things. But when the night comes, and the noise fades, it’s not alright anymore. It never is. Time hasn’t made it any easier.

The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I believe this has all happened for a reason. This is what my life was meant to be. And if it is fated for things to get better, than I shall wait patiently for that day to come. Coz that’s all I can do at this point.

It’s good to be able to blog. But lately I just haven’t had much to say. Or I haven’t figured out how to say it. At the end, all this post is, is a mumblejumble of words and sentences that haven’t amounted to anything. You still don’t know what exactly has been bothering me. Or what’s been going on in my life. And it’s because I choose not to tell you anything.

Maybe someday when it no longer hurts or affects me anymore. Maybe someday when I know you’d read this and do something about it, not just sit there and stare then jump to another page as if what I’m going through doesn’t mean anything. Maybe someday when you care.

Til then. This is all you’re getting I guess.

I TURN 21

I TURN 21 TODAY!
Sorry for the massive lack of updates. I’ll try to do something about it once i’m back.

289


what’s a blogpost without a picture? and that’s the pic of me in my baju that you love :P

You know the random times that I always write in your blog JUST FOH FUN lah huh.
And today’s one of those times that I wanna intrude and write – well not that you’d mind anyway :P
The soulmate’s in dire need of crazy camwhoring, shit-buying (HAHA you can buy shit? :P), and inside joke moments again. Missing the 23 hours of laughing, 30 mins of trying to be serious and the other 30 just to talk :P well you get what I mean when we’re together lah huh :P
And it’s just difficult, the past few months, going through life in uni and life in general- I know you know. Too much happenings , too little time.
Remember the time when you called 2 weeks after uni started?
“Uni sucked the life out of you”, you said.
Well, I regained that life back- if you could put it that way.
But you know that too many things happened lately , that I feel it fading again.
And I’m glad I’ve you to always be the atmosphere-setter when you’re around.
You know you won’t give me mercy when you’re here .. tired or not, soulmate time is soulmate time. Lol.
But the pissifying part is that you’d sleep on my bed, and that time is my soulmate on my bed time =.= yes I know you’d be laughing and going all “yeah I went to KL just for you so hello, your bed should be a reward for me no?”..
…you know my response to that, woman.
SO.
With all the crap I wrote here, I guess you can sum it all up to just three words :)
I miss you (:
Hasta luego, cariƱa!
Can’t wait to see you (: