thecolourrainbow

I know I’ve never been the type of person who’s been religious. And I don’t know sometimes if I really even believe in God the way other people do. But for as long as I can remember, I have believed in everything happening for a reason. And that has gotten me through some really rough patches. In the past year, I’ve been trough more ups and downs that I can remember.

I know I’m not a very open person and I’d really only share my true feelings with a select few people. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t. If only I could pick up my laptop, sign on to msn, and let people know what was going on. Reach out. And ask for help. But time and time again I end up crying myself to sleep, or bottling it up knowing I’d end up exploding anyways.

It’s not as simple as it seems. Some people are just too judgemental. Some end up gossiping and blurting secrets out.

And sometimes its just too hard to say what I really need to.

I guess over time I’ve learnt to more or less deal with everything myself. And even though I may run to a close friend for a shoulder to cry on, at the end of the day, I’m back to being alone again. And I have no choice but to face it all. The days are okay. And going out takes my mind off things. But when the night comes, and the noise fades, it’s not alright anymore. It never is. Time hasn’t made it any easier.

The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I believe this has all happened for a reason. This is what my life was meant to be. And if it is fated for things to get better, than I shall wait patiently for that day to come. Coz that’s all I can do at this point.

It’s good to be able to blog. But lately I just haven’t had much to say. Or I haven’t figured out how to say it. At the end, all this post is, is a mumblejumble of words and sentences that haven’t amounted to anything. You still don’t know what exactly has been bothering me. Or what’s been going on in my life. And it’s because I choose not to tell you anything.

Maybe someday when it no longer hurts or affects me anymore. Maybe someday when I know you’d read this and do something about it, not just sit there and stare then jump to another page as if what I’m going through doesn’t mean anything. Maybe someday when you care.

Til then. This is all you’re getting I guess.