This Game We Play

I am never able to find the right words to express what you mean to me.
No matter how much I try and try, I always fall short.

I know we fight, and hurt each other still. I admit that I play an equal part in that.
We just know each other too well to know which buttons to push.
And sometimes I just can’t help it, even if I see what’s coming.

I know you think that I don’t try. But I really do.
Sometimes it feels like we’re never gonna get through this. But then again, there are those moments that we still share that makes it feel like it’ll be okay.

You confuse me.
When you choose to be, you can be the most annoying, inconsiderate person I’ve had to deal with.
But I don’t hate you. I never could.
Coz I know you well enough to know that you do that in your moments of weakness.
And if we’re to grow through this friendship, it’s something I’ve got to really learn to understand.

I realise that with all the drama that’s been going on the past few months, I haven’t really been able to tell you how much I appreciate everything you did for me.
And I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that you feel I didn’t see how much you try.
I’m sorry that I still asked for more.
I’ve always been aware of the trouble you’ve gone through for me.
And for that I am thankful.

I spend a bundle of my time thinking about what we’ve been through.
What we’ve lost, and how things could have been.
And I don’t know if it means anything to you anymore, that I still care.
Coz sometimes it really feels like you don’t.

I realise things have changed and I can’t run to you and expect to hear that you love me.
Or for you to wrap me in your arms tightly and kiss away the worries.
Although I wish you would, all the time.
But I wish there was a way for us to still talk, the way we used to.

I miss having you around. I miss you understanding me.
You’re the greatest gift I’ve ever gotten in my life. My best “mistake”.

I wouldn’t be the me I am today if it wasn’t for you.

I’d find other words to say it, but my mind goes blank.
Therefore, I love you.
Coz sometimes, as hard as it gets, it’s just as simple as that.

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