Monthly Archives: December 2009


I just got off the phone with you. After 4 long hours. And yes, 4 hours.
I can’t remember the last time I did that with a boy.
It’s kinda fun. Kinda relaxing. And really, it makes me feel so loved.

33 hours and counting
I’m excited.


Hard to believe sometimes, how fast the year has gone by.
And the things that have happened through it.
But I do know I’m really looking forward to the New Year celebration


I’d re-do this one, but I’ve just come to realise that a year has passed, and things have changed, but as a person, I haven’t. So here’s some crap about me. If you’ve already read it, don’t bother reading it again. Very the long lah. Don’t wanna waste your time.
I blog more when I’m truly emotional. Meaning I blog more when I’m having a really good day as well. Not just when I’m sad-emotional okay. That’s why sometimes there are those I-love-everything-about-life posts. I don’t really care much about people sometimes, so these emotions are only triggered by a few specific people.

Those people are the father, the mother, the brother, the bestfriend and the guy. Only those people and those people only. Anyone else may contribute to how my day goes, but when I’m emotional, I don’t really care.

I love shoes. But I do not waste hours of shopping on shoes. If I really love what I’m looking at, I buy it. If I don’t, I move on. I also believe that I’m all set for probably another half a year. And I do not actually need to own more shoes than I could possibly wear.

I am occasionally bulimic. I binge eat when I’m bored or depressed. And when I’m really full. I do not keep things down. The only reason I stopped doing it for a while was because I’m truly afraid of kidney failure. I wish I could be anorexic. But I don’t have enough determination to stay off food. The day I find such strength, I will loose all this weight.

I have a routine. Where I exercise like mad. For about 4 days. Then I give up on exercising and decide in that moment I’d rather be just fat. It happens every month. Just like my period. The longest I’ve lasted was a month and a half. Then I stopped for half a year.

I love ice cream. In particular, McD’s cornetto strawberry sundae. If I am pissed at you, go out, buy that for me, and all is forgiven. Well, at least til the ice cream finishes. I also like McD’s double cheeseburger, apple pie, fillet o fish and fries. I barely eat anything else from there.

My biggest fear is to be alone. I’d rather temporarily be with someone that I do not love, than hang around single. I haven’t been truly single for a time period longer than 3 months since I was 16. I hope to be strong enough to face that fear someday. But I hope more that it doesn’t have to get to that anymore.

I am a cutter. Do not try to get in the way of my cutting. I have used blades, knives, pins, broken glasses and scissors. I do not do it to seek attention. Neither do I do it with the intentions of dying. I do it solely because the pain stops me from crying. And when it comes to pain, I prefer the physical kind to the emotional.

Speaking of pain, I am sometimes turned on by it. Hold me down, grab my hair, choke me, push me up against the wall. Bite me on my neck and I am yours. Or at least know that that’s the closest you’d ever get to making me want you.

I believe that the greatest thing to feel is love. But it is also love that causes the greatest kind of pain. That is why if I had a choice, I’d be with someone that I knew loved me more than I loved him. Unfortunately though, once I fall, I don’t try to stop falling. And that’s why I always get hurt.

If I could, I would marry for money. But I know that if I can’t be with the one person I love, I would not go looking for someone else. That one person that I love, would also have the ability to walk in and out of my life as he pleases, and I’d never turn away for long. I told you I lack determination.

I multitask. Really badly. Lol. I can talk on the phone, message and chat online at the same time. And I have. But not one of those 3 people understood anything that I was trying to say. I constantly get conversations mixed up when I’m chatting online with too many people at once, and that is why you do not see me on MSN anymore.

I get to know new people almost as easily as I forget about them. I’m not one to keep in touch constantly. I do not enjoy long awkward conversations over the phone about nothing. I do not answer calls from unknown numbers. And I do not bother replying to random pointless messages.

I’d rather go clubbing alone than go with people who do not dance. But the worst people to go with are those who try to dance, but can’t. It annoys me.

A lot of things annoy me. Therefore, I can be very bitchy at times. This you should already know. And during moments like those, you should just let me be bitchy and laugh it off. I do not mean to be nasty to anyone. I’m just very honest with my opinions. And you should appreciate it.

silent nights

Maybe surrounded by, a million people I still feel all alone..

I just wanna go home, oh I miss you, you know…
I’d be bringing you both back home by today if everything had gone well.
I’d have the room painted purple. A lil pink here, a lil blue there.
It’d look amazing, coz I know how much effort I would have put into it.
It’d be even more so coz I’d have the both of you there.
Exactly where I would have imagined.
But the day’s come and it’ll pass. Just like every other day.
The both of you aren’t here.
Let me go home….I’m just too far….from where you are…
I wanna come home…

Pre Christmas Boredom

Sorry there hasn’t been that many updates. Or meaningful ones at least.
Life’s been pretty dull.

Okay, so maybe life hasn’t been THAT boring after all.
I wish I could put pictures up of you. But I know I can’t yet. I’ll just keep on being patient =)