I spoke to you today

I hope you know I spoke to you today. Christmas is in 3 weeks. You should be turning 2 soon. And the little ones would be on the way.
I hate this time of the year. I hate everything that reminds me of you. I can’t stand knowing that you could have been around the entire time. Running about. Giggling. Calling me mummy. They don’t know how much it hurts. They don’t see how much I cry for you. They don’t even ask.
It’s so hard to talk about you. It’s hard just thinking those thoughts.
I hope you know how much I miss you. And how much regret I feel. I wish I could show you how much I love you. And give you the world like I should have. I feel bad all the time.
And I’m really sorry I don’t have a tree to leave your Christmas present under this year. But I promise I’ll put it in the box with your present from last year. And we’ll open it together someday.
I’m sorry I didn’t keep you.
I will always love you. So much.
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