Monthly Archives: January 2010

Travelling

8am bus to Alor Setar.

Cab to Kuala Kedah.
10.30 boat to cross over to the island.
And a van to get to the airport.
It’s really barely even past noon.
I want to sleep now.
I can enjoy this place tomorrow.
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He’s having a hard time. A really hard time. It’s killing me. Knowing that there’s not much I can do to help him through it. I just have to sit back for now and watch him learn to deal with it. And just hope for the best. It sucks more, having been in that place before. I know how much he’s hurting. I know how long it’s gonna take for all the pain to go away. But more importantly, I know where I stand in his life at the moment.
Music reminds me of the past too. In so many painful ways.
That’s why I’ve stayed away.
I’m learning though. To open up once again.
Today, I caught myself enjoying playing the piano for him.
And that’s exactly why I’m so scared.
Coz I know where this might end.

3 years since

It’s nearly 3 years to the date that things started. Longer since I’ve known you. It’s taken some time, but I think today I finally feel like everything happened for a reason. And I know what the reason is. Everything I went through with you, has helped me in understanding guys, relationships, people in general and well, myself. I wouldn’t have reacted the way I did today if it weren’t for the similar experiences I had with you.
I’m trying to fix with him what I couldn’t with you. Right the wrongs before I allow them to even happen. I’m hoping it doesn’t come to this, but even if it means doing the hardest thing and being there for him as he goes for her. I’m still gonna try. Harder than I ever have. Coz at some point, I’ve got to learn that bitterness and revenge isn’t the way to handle these things. And sometimes it helps keeping certain people around in my life. I lost you. I lost so much with you. I can’t afford to do that again. There’d be too many regrets this time around.
I don’t know how silly it is to be writing this to you. Knowing that you probably don’t drop by here anymore. However if for some reason you end up reading this, I want to thank you. For the experience. For the lessons learnt. Regrets don’t disappear, neither will the love or hate. What we went through was too much for even the strongest of people to handle. But for that I truly am thankful. You have thought me how to tap into the strength I’ve always had inside that will probably help me get through the rest of my life.
Equals.Close bracket.

376

Wow. Just when you think you know someone, you realise, you actually don’t.

375

I cut my hair!! REALLY SHORT!!! You like?
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