So yeah, we kicked off the new year with a big bang. Literally. The past year’s been the toughest time in my life. Financially, physically, emotionally. And I do not exaggerate. I thought as 2009 ended and 2010 started, I’d be able to relax a little. But it hasn’t been easy either. The past few days. Sometimes I feel like just running back to Penang. Where home is. But life’s not about giving up, is it? It’s about facing those challenges head on, and over calming it.
It is somewhat comforting though, knowing that I’ve managed to find happiness in the midst of all the crap that’s gone on. I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason, even if I don’t quite know what the reason is. And i’m not going to regret anything that’s gone on the past year, coz it kinda led me to him. Yes I know this is when you roll your eyes and go, uhhuh…another guy. But yeah. This one’s different. Or at least it feels that way right now. Everyone I’ve ever loved has ended up stepping all over me and walking away. It’s scary to let myself love again really. But it beats giving up on hope and love altogether.

The next week’s gonna be stressful. Dealing with things. And being here alone again. I really really feel the urge to run away for a while. Just disappear. Unfortunately I know I can’t. But I could really use a holiday instead. Where I can sit by the beach, sunglasses on, OJ in one hand and a cigarette in the other. And just chill. Phuket or Bali anyone?
God rewards those who work hard and don’t give up right?
I sincerely hope that you are my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
I know what happened on new year’s was crap. But I’m hoping that in proving that I would not turn my back on you, you’d realise how much I care. And maybe someday if things get hard, you wouldn’t give up on me so easily either.

paint my page

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