Monthly Archives: March 2010

I Miss

I miss being called baby.

I miss being able to say I love you, and really meaning it that way.
I miss having someone truly deeply care about me.
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The Ongoing Debate

I’ve never really written about this because it seems to be a sensitive thing to certain people. But after having a conversation with a friend today, I realize how much it bothers me.
There’s this ongoing debate on which is harder to deal with. The death of a parent, or divorce. And I guess I’m fine with people more or less having opinions of their own, but when someone tells me that I can’t possibly understand what they are feeling, or that there’s nothing like losing a parent, I feel like screaming back in their faces. Don’t get me wrong, really. I’m more than willing to sit around and listen to their story of how it happened, or what they feel, but who the heck gave anyone the right to tell me that I’m not supposed to have an opinion of my own because I can’t possibly understand what they feel? Or that when I don’t feel their pain, I’m the one at fault.
Did you ever stop to think, that maybe it’s your own stupid fault for not stopping to understand what I’ve been through as well? So perhaps death was a hard thing for you to deal with. Divorce was tough on me. When you so smartly say that at least both my parents are alive, can’t I then say at least you still have a parent to go back to? Coz I don’t. Your parents did not choose to walk out and leave you feeling abandoned. Mine did. Hypothetically speaking, I could possibly feel more alone than you sometimes, couldn’t I?
Argh! I wanna tell people like you to shut up sometimes. I’ve dealt with more shit than you have. If I don’t get to talk it out, then why the fuck should I have to sit and listen to you anymore? I do it coz I still care (even though I try hard not to). Obviously, you just don’t give a damn bout anything, anyone, but yourself.
I hate myself for not being able to continuously hate other people long enough for me to walk away from them before they turn their backs me.
I’m SO frustrated right now!!

Clubbing and Stalkers

Went over to the island again. To esther’s place. More girl time.
I want a sister!!

Then it was the usual thing. Clubbing, dancing. Spent a whole hour non-stop dancing on the podium. And now my body’s aching all over! Best exercise I’ve had in a while though. Haha.
And someone remind me to never take public transport again. Fucking stalkers! Too long a story for me to explain now. Maybe i’ll write bout it someday when i’m not so disgusted by the whole thing.

411

Wow I just realized today that a week’s gone by since I last blogged. I’ve been at home mostly, but time’s still flown by. Nothing much to update on at the moment. I will however, try to keep this page alive with random meaningless posts. I haven’t been feeling too well, but that’s not something you have to worry about. I’ll share this story when I’m ready to someday. Right now, I just need to find a way to deal with everything.
Lots of love, your blogger.

410

I’m getting bored with having nothing to do. I’ve got a meeting next Friday to confirm details on my new job. And then I start next month as, get this, a wedding consultant. Lol yes. With how I feel towards the whole idea of love at the moment, now is when I have to get the call comfirming that job. And for the next few months at the least, I’m gonna be spending my time around happy people on the verge of getting married. I’m gonna be stuck there on one of the most important days of their lives, dealing with overjoyed parents, a beaming bridal party and cute little children running about, probably forcing myself to smile all the way through. Why take the job then? Simple. It’s one of those things that I really wanted to do coz I figured I’d be really good at it. And I used to be a huge fan of weddings and all the hype that usually came with it. I just never expected the timing to be this good ya’know. Lol. I’m taking the job nonetheless. I know if I turn it down, I’ll look back at myself someday (when I’m a happier smarter person) and smack myself in the head real hard.
Wish me luck then. I’m scared. I’m always scared when I venture into something new. But it’s a good kind of fear. I hope this chapter of my life turns out to be one full of good memories and lots of joy and laughter.
˙uıʍ noʎ
˙llɐ ʇɐ ƃuıɥʇʎuɐ ƃuıʇɔǝdxǝ uo ‘ɥƃnoɥʇ dn uǝʌıƃ ǝʌ,ı
˙ǝq oʇ ƃuısooɥɔ ǝɹɐ noʎ uosɹǝd ǝɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ ı ʇnq
˙ǝuop ǝʌɐɥ noʎ ʇɐɥʍ ɹoɟ noʎ uǝʌıƃɹoɟ ǝʌɐɥ ı
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