Sometimes I wish getting a new start actually meant getting to restart. Not the same thing. My mind picks up on signals people send and starts to freak out before I really even realise it. By the time I do, I can’t help myself anymore. It’s usually at a point where I’ve said or done something to stupid in hopes that it would prevent me from having to go down the same road again. And yeah, too little too late. I snap.
I hate snapping. I hate making people feel that way. I hate feeling that way myself. I wish I learnt to control certain things more. I’m strong most of the time. And I’ve learnt to deal with all kinds of shit. But somewhere, something’s going wrong coz all the being strong crap doesn’t work. I eventually break down, explode. And then feel worse than I would have if I were to cry a little, often enough to de-stress.
I don’t know how much this makes sense to anyone else out there. But it does to me. Thought of sharing. I don’t want anyone to really ask me what’s going on, coz it’s WAY too long a story. I’m just venting. At this point I guess it would help to have people around. But it’d only make it better if it were the RIGHT people.
Where have all the people that I love gone?