Someone I dated once told me that he’s been single for so long that he forgot how to be in a relationship. And that’s what I was wondering. Can you forget how to be in a relationship?
You know how when you’re single, the dynamics are so different than when you’re in a relationship? You’re still the same person, yes, just different.
I think I’m the kind of person who feels more at home in a relationship. I like to share everything. Emotions, experiences, things. (even though I know that a majority of guys don’t enjoy talking about emotions). I think for two people without much effort, my decisions are usually made bearing in mind my boyfriend’s plans or lifestyle. I guess I just like feeling like I’m part of a team. And it comes pretty easily to me once I find someone that I care enough about.
But for some single people, they put up a wall around them. This is normal, if you have no one that cares for you as much as they care for themselves, then you really need to look out for yourself right? But after being single for such a long time, these habits stick. And their wall has gotten so high that it’s impossible for anyone to get over it and be a part of their lives.
I think that people like that tend to lean towards being self centered, selfish and even appear inconsiderate at time. I’ve dated a few. And those are some of the traits which make the relationship impossible in the long run.
Does it make sense? That some people can forget how to be in a relationship altogether? Do those kind of people even know how to let their walls down? And if you’re dating someone who claims to be in that place, is it worth holding on to?
When it comes to picking a man, there are some things I wish I would have realised much earlier on. Coz now, when I look back at a lot of my past relationships, most of it was just unnecessary hassle. I cried, had sleepless nights, fought, spent time/money, and put in a lot of effort into boys and men who really didn’t deserve any of it. I should have used that time to do better things, like travel, make money or paint my toe nails. (Though I’m sure they’re probably saying the same about me)I know many may not agree with my date and dump type technique, but I still don’t regret most of it. The next thing I’m going to say may piss off some people, but I really think it’s true. People are disposable.
Yes, you need to look at it that way. People are disposable, until you find one that’s worth keeping. Let the wrong ones go, because they may be the right ones for other people. Just not you. Perhaps you don’t want to let go of your current guy because you think that you might not do better? Or you just don’t want to be alone? (I’ve been guilty of both). But really, how are you going to find the one special person in this huge ass world of singles, if you’re too afraid to let go of the wrong people?
Sometimes, especially after months of dating all kinds of idiots, I tend to let the man stay a while. Maybe it’s just because he seems like prince charming in comparison to the guys before him. Sometimes I even have moments where I honestly believe that maybe I could change him. Although we all know that that’s practically impossible.
After years of dating the wrong kind of men, I’d like to think that I’m at least able to spot some signs that I’m going to have to let go of a guy so that some other unlucky girl may have him. And hopefully someday I’ll realise that I finally got it right.