Daily Archives: 010811

Not enough?

I love you both and accept you both for whatever it is that has happened since the divorce. I don’t make you feel bad for not taking care of me. I don’t make you feel bad for not being there emotionally, financially or physically. I don’t make you feel bad for finding new partners and moving on with life. In fact, I let you know that I accept your new partners and I’m happy that you’re happy.
But I will not make an extra effort to be nice to your new partners because it is not my choice that they are in your lives.

Dad, you can’t expect me to sit at a mother’s day dinner with your girlfriend when you ban me from visiting mum coz you aren’t okay with her husband. And mum, you cannot be okay with me telling you that I don’t like being around dad’s girlfriend and then expect me to go out of my way and have conversations with your husband. I am normal around them, and I respond if I am talked to. But that’s all. It is NOT fair for either of you to expect anything more from me when it comes to that.

I get that you think maybe I should put in an effort. But why the hell should I when you both stopped putting in an effort a long time ago?
I don’t have parents to talk to anymore. Dad, you hate me coz you think I took mum’s side when you guys got divorced. And mum, you left the country because you needed to move on with life. What does that leave me with? A father who’s physically around but doesn’t actually care about me and a mother who cares, but isn’t ever physically around. Thank you very much. That’s how I always imagined my life would turn out to be. That’s my big fairy tale ending at the end of the story.

I still tell the both of you that I love you, all the time. That I understand that the divorce had to happen. And I know life’s just not fair that way sometimes. Why then can’t you both just be content with that and stop expecting for more? I’m already adapting to it as best as I can.

In the normal world, you guys would have to deal with who I date/marry. Every parent has to. It’s not supposed to be the other way around. I’M DOING MY BEST HERE! I don’t know how to put in more effort into making your spouse/partner feel like I accept them. Coz honestly, I don’t want to care about them. I barely have it in me to care about the people in my own life right now.

But I care about the both of you. I always have. I’ll only ever have one mother and one father. No matter what happens, or how crappy our family has turned out to be, I still love you. Isn’t that enough right now?