Monthly Archives: January 2012

Spring Cleaning

Well, not really. The family house that all the junk I’ve collected over the years is stored in, was sold to new owners and my grandmother told me that they might have to find somewhere else to stay, so I’d have to get rid of my stuff. After sorting through everything, I read the new landlord’s agreement and found out that shifting won’t be necessary. 
Being the stubborn and sentimental person I am, I’ve barely allowed myself to throw clothes out in the past. I merely stuffed them into baskets/boxes and put them aside. Don’t know why I ever thought that was a solution when I’d have to sort through it eventually. Maybe I thought the house would just be here forever and I could leave it there to collect dust til the end of time. 
I guess I decided it finally was time to stop avoiding the inevitable and sort them into piles. Some pieces were just harder to say goodbye to. 
Like the tshirt I wore on the day that I lost my virginity. 

So I took a shitload of photos! 
Coz that way I get to be delusional and tell myself I didn’t completely throw em away.
 

Favourite cut-up boyfriend tshirt (something I do all the time) and superfavourite jeans that became superfavourite shorts. I think the damage itself shows how much I loved it.

An assortment of tshirts collected all through my school and working years. In any other situation, I’d hold on to these just because they’re all in proper condition and more importantly, irreplaceable. But I move way too much and I simply don’t have the extra space in my luggage to take these along. 

Piles on the left are my efforts in trying to be charitable by donating clothes to other people who might appreciate it. And the huge mountain of clothes on the right is shit I’m throwing away. I can’t believe I ever thought there was a point in holding on to clothes I already felt the need to put away back then. 

From now on, I’m going through my clothes at least once a year and getting rid of shit I don’t need. Having a little extra closet space is always good because that’s the best time to go out shopping again.

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Okay. So I kiss boys.

Sometimes it really gets to me how fucked up the world has become. Or more accurately, how fucked up people in the world have become. A conversation I recently had with a friend made me realize that there really are double standards when it comes to people and sex. One that women are on the losing end of. If a man sleeps around, he’s a hero. If a girl does it, she’s instantly labelled a slut. 
Flirting’s alright, but when flirty women find themselves in an uncomfortable situation where sex is then “expected”, it’s their own doing. Something they should be held responsible for coz they instigated it. If they say no, they’re criticized for being a cock tease. And if they don’t, well, that takes us back to the whole “slut” thing, doesn’t it? Personally, I have been pressured into it and being the dumbshit that I am sometimes, I have on occasions just given in, only to loath myself afterwards.
Indirectly putting the blame of women is honestly something I myself have been guilty of doing. I constantly tell my more innocent or naive girlfriends that men are just built that way. That such an uncontrolled reaction is expected of them. That maybe they, as women, should have known better than to play with fire and then come back crying after getting burnt. But when did such rubbish become so acceptable, and more importantly, why?
Sex isn’t something that should be thrown around with such ease. I wish I had an understanding of that earlier on in life, when it would have mattered a whole lot more. I had to experience certain things and make my own mistakes in order to learn the lessons I have so painfully learnt. The reason I’m so protective over certain people is because I know firsthand of the horrors life has to offer and I would never want them to go through half the things I have. 
It bothers me that if I were to ever have children, this is the world I am bringing them into. It bothers me that no matter how much I’d try to protect them, I would never be able to shelter them completely from what is simply, the harsh reality of life. It bothers me that instead of looking for a solution, the majority of people are just adding to the crap that already is.
I know I’m going to receive a mix reaction to this post. But I can’t just shut up when someone I love is hurting because a man could not, for lack of a better term, keep it in his pants. Rape isn’t something anyone could ever ask for and if we don’t start trying to fix this flaw we have created, we’re directly responsible for the stolen innocence of an increasing number of victims out there.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Happy Chinese New Year to all those who celebrate it. 
This festive season is one filled with love, joy and food. Loads and loads of it.
The thrill of waking up on the morning of CNY has however disappeared. My family’s really tiny and now without my parents around, there’s not much to look forward to. I guess for the most part, I still look forward to it because I’m aware of how precious these moments are. It won’t be too long before my grandparents aren’t around anymore and that would probably be the end of CNY for me. 
Spent yesterday preparing for the reunion dinner and then headed over to the island with baby bro and some friends. And today, we had lunch. Expecting a couple of relatives to drop by sometime over the next few days but with the exception of that, the celebration is more or less over for this year.
I don’t know if CNY seemed more magical when I was younger because we celebrated it on a grand scale or I was just too easily amused, like any child would be really. Either ways, I think it’s time to start my own traditions while I still feel in some way connected to my Chinese roots. Time to bug my friends into going for a yee sang dinner outing with me. Any volunteers? 

Grandma with her 3 granddaughters. Me being her favourite, of course!
GONG XI FA CAI everyone!!!

Oh, really?

Since being back in Penang, I have come to realize a couple of things.
1. I don’t actually like being back here anymore.
There’s nothing much left to do in Penang. I’ve been away so often for so long that I’ve lost touch with almost everyone here. And I don’t even feel like meeting up with the people I still contact because there’s just nowhere to go. Clubbing does not count because I don’t really club anymore. Also, my house doesn’t feel like a home at this point. It’s the same house I spent most of my life growing up in, just minus the family. Every room and piece of abandoned furniture serves as an annoying reminder of what “home” used to be.
2. I am in fact, not my father’s daughter.
I love that we’ve reached a point in our relationship where he doesn’t try to get all up in my business anymore and we can have conversations that don’t end in fights. But then again, the conversations aren’t even worth mentioning. It’s a lot of awkward talking about random crap whilst not making eye contact. We barely have anything in common and there’s very little stuff to be shared. Not that either of us are holding back per se. We just don’t know anything about each other’s lives and couldn’t care less about trying to change that fact. I partially blame my inability to hold a conversation with adult males (and sometimes females) on my lack of a relationship with my dad.
It’s weird how family is supposed to be the one constant in a person’s life and yet I feel like I have no connection to mine. But, I shan’t digress.
3. I am closer than ever to my weight loss goal.
Being greeted by 3 different people with variations of “You’re so thin!” is positively exciting! Even my brother who hardly pays attention to (and would never bother commenting on) my weight pointed out that he thought I was a little too thin. Accomplishment! I know his comment came out of concern as to why or how I’ve been losing so much weight, but being thin/skinny is never a bad thing to me. Yes, I would be anorexic if I could and I don’t care that people might judge me for saying that.

4. I miss my boyfriend.

Okay, so that’s not something new.

Looking forward to celebrating Chinese New Year with my grandparents then heading back to the place I now gladly call home.

-definitely not her.

If you don’t know who I am, I won’t bother to even write the whole introduction thing again, so please click here to find out, if you must.

One thing though, I’m the Pineapple to the Mango, the A to the D, and the Daphne to the Charissa.

I’m here to hijack her blog because she did it earlier today on mine, so I’m just returning a favour – no updates whatsoever till our (hopefully) Penang date, because I’m super looking forward to it and I’d be HECK bummed if (God forbid) my parents don’t allow my travelling. After all, I’ll be having 2-3 weeks’ break..so here’s to crossing my fingers till they (hopefully don’t) break.

Woman, here’s my first post (and counting) for 2012!

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