Since being back in Penang, I have come to realize a couple of things.
1. I don’t actually like being back here anymore.
There’s nothing much left to do in Penang. I’ve been away so often for so long that I’ve lost touch with almost everyone here. And I don’t even feel like meeting up with the people I still contact because there’s just nowhere to go. Clubbing does not count because I don’t really club anymore. Also, my house doesn’t feel like a home at this point. It’s the same house I spent most of my life growing up in, just minus the family. Every room and piece of abandoned furniture serves as an annoying reminder of what “home” used to be.
2. I am in fact, not my father’s daughter.
I love that we’ve reached a point in our relationship where he doesn’t try to get all up in my business anymore and we can have conversations that don’t end in fights. But then again, the conversations aren’t even worth mentioning. It’s a lot of awkward talking about random crap whilst not making eye contact. We barely have anything in common and there’s very little stuff to be shared. Not that either of us are holding back per se. We just don’t know anything about each other’s lives and couldn’t care less about trying to change that fact. I partially blame my inability to hold a conversation with adult males (and sometimes females) on my lack of a relationship with my dad.
It’s weird how family is supposed to be the one constant in a person’s life and yet I feel like I have no connection to mine. But, I shan’t digress.
3. I am closer than ever to my weight loss goal.
Being greeted by 3 different people with variations of “You’re so thin!” is positively exciting! Even my brother who hardly pays attention to (and would never bother commenting on) my weight pointed out that he thought I was a little too thin. Accomplishment! I know his comment came out of concern as to why or how I’ve been losing so much weight, but being thin/skinny is never a bad thing to me. Yes, I would be anorexic if I could and I don’t care that people might judge me for saying that.
4. I miss my boyfriend.
Looking forward to celebrating Chinese New Year with my grandparents then heading back to the place I now gladly call home.