Monthly Archives: April 2013

cycle of life

as children growing up, it is understood that we learn everything about life from our parents (or guardians). how to walk. how to talk. how to see the world. we do it for years without second guessing the lessons they pass down to us. we’re led to believe that parents always know best, and that we should listen to what adults tell us to do.

we gain wisdom from their many years of experience but as we mature, we learn to pick and choose the information we want to hold on to and begin to take control of our own lives. most of us go through a “rebellious” phase, where our actions are faced with objections from the very people who showed us how to think. if you asked me, it’s not rebellion per se. it’s just our way of finding ourselves, which is a necessity. but many of us feel guilty. guilty to have been the cause of such disappointment. guilty that we aren’t giving back to our parents the way they gave to us.

in all my years of being on my own and trying at all costs to hold on to this vision of a life that i have, i never once thought the day would come where my parent would learn something from me for a change. it’s just not an idea i ever entertained, taking for granted that until the day i die, my parents would always be wiser and know better than i do. or that they would think that themselves.

yesterday my mum shared something with me that forever changes the way i see life and the lessons we learn through it.

my mum is probably the reason i ventured into arts and have the talent i have today to make the nonsense that i make. she stayed home and raised my brother and i for quite a number of years before going back to work. in that time, she filled my life with music and colours and taught me to think creatively. she used to draw me things, and decorate our walls. in return, i learnt to make her cards and notes; expressing the creativity she brought out of me. that is something i still do til today.

after ages of taking care of children and having to put up with us (mostly me) throughout our rebellion, i guess life started to take it’s toll and my mum no longer had the desire to pour her heart and soul into mindless little artsy things. but yesterday, after many years of telling me that she had passed the point of wanting to be creative, she shared with me that since i last visited, she has decided to put in the effort and get back in touch with her creative side, and slowly transform her home to looking the way she wants it to.

and then she said, that’s the effect i’ve had on her.

that one line, i will take with me to eternity (‘:

to know that in some small way, i have managed to remind my mum of the things she once really enjoyed, and given her a reason to get back in touch with it. to know i have shown my mum something, anything, that’s something i never imagined i could do. it is life changing in a way where i feel my desire to live my life passionately, doing the things i love doing has been cemented more so now than ever before. i will never doubt my dreams and ambition in chasing them, no matter how futile they may seem at some points because everyone truly, deep down, want to just do what they love.

i try to be the change i want to see in the world. at the most, i can only hope that through doing what i love to do, people see a light that brings them back to who they are, were or wanted to be before “life”, “logic” and “reality” took over.

what my mum said also showed me that no one, at whatever age, is perfect. we are constantly making decisions that we take back or try to change as life goes on. the inevitable choice of not paying attention to what makes us happy appears to be brought on by this thing called “growing up” or “growing old”. we seem to think that there is this point that we get to, when we’ll have everything in life sorted out but we never really get there, do we? instead we lose most of our lives chasing this illusion of a finishing line.

the truth is, we are constantly growing, constantly being exposed to new things and constantly questioning what we once thought we completely understood. over and over and over again. that’s what life is. no heads or tails, just cycles we repeat until we are no longer here.

i think it is crucial that we keep our minds open throughout our lives, and try to learn something from every opportunity we are faced with or person we meet. never stop learning. never stop sharing. and most of all, never stop living (:

ge13

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I believe people should stop playing the race game. Politicians and the government use fear to garner votes; playing people against each other. They make you feel like if you don’t vote for a certain political party, your rights as person of a certain race will be taken away. They cheat. They lie. Anything and everything to hold on to the power they have so greedily kept to themselves for the good/benefit of no one else.

It doesn’t matter if you’re malay, chinese, indian or “lain-lain” ;) Together, we are the people. It is not about us fighting for the rights of any specific race. It’s about us standing up together to regain the power that is so rightfully ours. We are capable of bringing the change we want to see to our country/world. Not some stupid government.

So let us knock BN off their high horse and show them that we can’t be bought the way they can. We are in charge of our own future. It is time for them to fear us. It is time for us to be free.

art as art

3so i’ve been really busy the past week preparing for what will be *drumroll* my very first booth experience!

i’ve had other offers, but i never truly felt ready as most of the stuff I make are random. but recently my boyfriend and i realised that i’ve collected quite a bit of random stuff, and would stand to lose nothing if i just gave it a go.

and just like magic, i found out the next day about playthora. an event to promote the psychedelic culture/scene in malaysia. if that isn’t fated, i don’t know what is!

it’s a little nerve wrecking. the way you’d feel doing anything for the first time. but i’m definitely looking forward to opening RAINBOWed up to more opportunities.

2 4  art inspires me…to make more art…which inspires me to make even more art!

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after this, i hope to be setting up more booths and sharing my love for art with the whole world! (:

black sheep. ugly duckling.

i’d be lying if i said i thought my life would ever be what it is right now. i am glad beyond words to be here, but who would have known i’d end up walking down such an unconventional path? being a somewhat hippie (the category i assume most people would comfortably place me in), i have all the time in the world to do anything i wish to do. bake, cook, paint, tie dye, make art, practice yoga, get involved in the psychedelic culture, dance, learn to poi, make more art, help my boyfriend plant our garden. these many little hobbies actually keep me extremely occupied and i find myself wishing there were more hours in a day so i could get more done.

to think that there was a time when i wanted to feel “normal”. when i didn’t understand why i never felt like i fit in. why i couldn’t push myself to do what everyone else was doing.

being different though, has always come too naturally for me. i was never bothered with studies in school. instead i used performing arts/drama at every chance i got, to skip classes and do something creative. after highschool, i attempted to do the whole college thing because everyone seemed to be headed there and i honestly expected it to be a fun experience. i then discovered that college was not only a waste of money, it was a waste of my potential and brain cells as well. so i stopped. throughout my stint in college, in order to make some pocket money, i started working. it didn’t take too long for me to understand that i didn’t really enjoy the typical working life either. not if it came at the expense of my freedom and creativity or forced me to suck up to people who claimed to deserve respect, yet put in no effort into gaining said respect. so after what seemed like ages of working part time for people while trying to make the best out of my life, i quit.

i always thought quitting was for quitters. the right way, was to sit through torture, just so i could get a paycheck at the end of the month and continue living. i allowed myself to feel like a failure. not bringing in the $. not being able to afford the fancy crap people around me were buying.

and then it hit me! i wasn’t the one in the wrong. everyone else was. and everyone else still is! why do we waste our lives doing what we don’t want to do, just to make money? what good is that money then, when we don’t truly get to enjoy life? i understand that people have to do things in order to survive. but survival means a roof over your head and food on the table. not fashion, splurging on shopping sprees or having the latest technology. making enough to support materialism is what survival has become. sure it’s hard to remove desires, especially when we are subjected to mainstream media and made to feel for the lack of a better word shitty when we fall behind on what’s new. but i’ve managed to find a way to do what i love, survive, and enjoy life at the same time. i live; for the most part; stress free and happy. why aren’t more people investing in their own lives in a way that counts more?

probably because it is not the easier path, is it? there’s a misconception that lazy people; people who don’t choose to further their studies or aim for a high paying job aren’t hardworking enough. take it from someone like me. someone living outside of her box. it is so much harder to go against the norm and just fight to be who you feel you are. enslaving one’s self is easy. you sign away a huge chunk of your life to some corporation, and just learn to bark when they tell you to. knowing yourself and achieving accordingly is what takes determination. not the other way around.

this isn’t to say that i don’t understand some of you work because you feel you have no choice. it has been explained to me on countless occasions and i know not everyone can just quit their job and be stress free. i just think that there’s always a choice. perhaps i’m lucky. lucky that my parents picked up on and encouraged my creative talents. lucky that i speak good english, making communication easier. lucky that i was brought up with love, and thought that having things didn’t matter as much. but we are capable of changing our lives whenever we decide the time for it has come.

the time is now. the time is always now. don’t wait another day to discover what your true passion or calling is. don’t put your soul on hold. search for your innermost self, because that is the only thing that can truly make you happy. once you find it, drop anything unnecessary and chase that dream! i promise you, it will be worthwhile!

memories

heading back home to penang in a bit to sort through, pack and throw away 2 decades worth of random memorabilia that’s sitting in my old family house. over the years, my mum has moved out, followed by my dad. and now my grandparents. rent is being doubled and it’s ridiculous that after 20 years of being there, my grandparents are expected to suddenly start paying so much more.

really upsets me how materialistic people are and how little anyone gives a damn about how their actions affect others’ lives, all for the sake of profit and money. but that’s just the kind of world we live in today, ain’t it?

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being a partial hoarder, knowing i have to throw away a lot of stuff i’ve stored up has affected me emotionally. being away from home for so long, it’s always been somewhat of a comfort to have that house sitting there. a place containing all the memories of my childhood and teenage years. a place that to me symbolized a happy home, a happy family. a place to revisit whenever i felt alone.

i guess i take some things for granted. but things change. things always change. as of next month, i will no longer be able to walk in those front doors the way i have been doing all my life. it feels like a part of me that i have to say goodbye to. but goodbyes can be beautiful if i choose to see it in that way.

my precious home. it will forever have a place in my heart. and as for memories, i will always remember it the way it was at it’s best; alive and full of love.