black sheep. ugly duckling.

i’d be lying if i said i thought my life would ever be what it is right now. i am glad beyond words to be here, but who would have known i’d end up walking down such an unconventional path? being a somewhat hippie (the category i assume most people would comfortably place me in), i have all the time in the world to do anything i wish to do. bake, cook, paint, tie dye, make art, practice yoga, get involved in the psychedelic culture, dance, learn to poi, make more art, help my boyfriend plant our garden. these many little hobbies actually keep me extremely occupied and i find myself wishing there were more hours in a day so i could get more done.

to think that there was a time when i wanted to feel “normal”. when i didn’t understand why i never felt like i fit in. why i couldn’t push myself to do what everyone else was doing.

being different though, has always come too naturally for me. i was never bothered with studies in school. instead i used performing arts/drama at every chance i got, to skip classes and do something creative. after highschool, i attempted to do the whole college thing because everyone seemed to be headed there and i honestly expected it to be a fun experience. i then discovered that college was not only a waste of money, it was a waste of my potential and brain cells as well. so i stopped. throughout my stint in college, in order to make some pocket money, i started working. it didn’t take too long for me to understand that i didn’t really enjoy the typical working life either. not if it came at the expense of my freedom and creativity or forced me to suck up to people who claimed to deserve respect, yet put in no effort into gaining said respect. so after what seemed like ages of working part time for people while trying to make the best out of my life, i quit.

i always thought quitting was for quitters. the right way, was to sit through torture, just so i could get a paycheck at the end of the month and continue living. i allowed myself to feel like a failure. not bringing in the $. not being able to afford the fancy crap people around me were buying.

and then it hit me! i wasn’t the one in the wrong. everyone else was. and everyone else still is! why do we waste our lives doing what we don’t want to do, just to make money? what good is that money then, when we don’t truly get to enjoy life? i understand that people have to do things in order to survive. but survival means a roof over your head and food on the table. not fashion, splurging on shopping sprees or having the latest technology. making enough to support materialism is what survival has become. sure it’s hard to remove desires, especially when we are subjected to mainstream media and made to feel for the lack of a better word shitty when we fall behind on what’s new. but i’ve managed to find a way to do what i love, survive, and enjoy life at the same time. i live; for the most part; stress free and happy. why aren’t more people investing in their own lives in a way that counts more?

probably because it is not the easier path, is it? there’s a misconception that lazy people; people who don’t choose to further their studies or aim for a high paying job aren’t hardworking enough. take it from someone like me. someone living outside of her box. it is so much harder to go against the norm and just fight to be who you feel you are. enslaving one’s self is easy. you sign away a huge chunk of your life to some corporation, and just learn to bark when they tell you to. knowing yourself and achieving accordingly is what takes determination. not the other way around.

this isn’t to say that i don’t understand some of you work because you feel you have no choice. it has been explained to me on countless occasions and i know not everyone can just quit their job and be stress free. i just think that there’s always a choice. perhaps i’m lucky. lucky that my parents picked up on and encouraged my creative talents. lucky that i speak good english, making communication easier. lucky that i was brought up with love, and thought that having things didn’t matter as much. but we are capable of changing our lives whenever we decide the time for it has come.

the time is now. the time is always now. don’t wait another day to discover what your true passion or calling is. don’t put your soul on hold. search for your innermost self, because that is the only thing that can truly make you happy. once you find it, drop anything unnecessary and chase that dream! i promise you, it will be worthwhile!

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