Daily Archives: 260413

cycle of life

as children growing up, it is understood that we learn everything about life from our parents (or guardians). how to walk. how to talk. how to see the world. we do it for years without second guessing the lessons they pass down to us. we’re led to believe that parents always know best, and that we should listen to what adults tell us to do.

we gain wisdom from their many years of experience but as we mature, we learn to pick and choose the information we want to hold on to and begin to take control of our own lives. most of us go through a “rebellious” phase, where our actions are faced with objections from the very people who showed us how to think. if you asked me, it’s not rebellion per se. it’s just our way of finding ourselves, which is a necessity. but many of us feel guilty. guilty to have been the cause of such disappointment. guilty that we aren’t giving back to our parents the way they gave to us.

in all my years of being on my own and trying at all costs to hold on to this vision of a life that i have, i never once thought the day would come where my parent would learn something from me for a change. it’s just not an idea i ever entertained, taking for granted that until the day i die, my parents would always be wiser and know better than i do. or that they would think that themselves.

yesterday my mum shared something with me that forever changes the way i see life and the lessons we learn through it.

my mum is probably the reason i ventured into arts and have the talent i have today to make the nonsense that i make. she stayed home and raised my brother and i for quite a number of years before going back to work. in that time, she filled my life with music and colours and taught me to think creatively. she used to draw me things, and decorate our walls. in return, i learnt to make her cards and notes; expressing the creativity she brought out of me. that is something i still do til today.

after ages of taking care of children and having to put up with us (mostly me) throughout our rebellion, i guess life started to take it’s toll and my mum no longer had the desire to pour her heart and soul into mindless little artsy things. but yesterday, after many years of telling me that she had passed the point of wanting to be creative, she shared with me that since i last visited, she has decided to put in the effort and get back in touch with her creative side, and slowly transform her home to looking the way she wants it to.

and then she said, that’s the effect i’ve had on her.

that one line, i will take with me to eternity (‘:

to know that in some small way, i have managed to remind my mum of the things she once really enjoyed, and given her a reason to get back in touch with it. to know i have shown my mum something, anything, that’s something i never imagined i could do. it is life changing in a way where i feel my desire to live my life passionately, doing the things i love doing has been cemented more so now than ever before. i will never doubt my dreams and ambition in chasing them, no matter how futile they may seem at some points because everyone truly, deep down, want to just do what they love.

i try to be the change i want to see in the world. at the most, i can only hope that through doing what i love to do, people see a light that brings them back to who they are, were or wanted to be before “life”, “logic” and “reality” took over.

what my mum said also showed me that no one, at whatever age, is perfect. we are constantly making decisions that we take back or try to change as life goes on. the inevitable choice of not paying attention to what makes us happy appears to be brought on by this thing called “growing up” or “growing old”. we seem to think that there is this point that we get to, when we’ll have everything in life sorted out but we never really get there, do we? instead we lose most of our lives chasing this illusion of a finishing line.

the truth is, we are constantly growing, constantly being exposed to new things and constantly questioning what we once thought we completely understood. over and over and over again. that’s what life is. no heads or tails, just cycles we repeat until we are no longer here.

i think it is crucial that we keep our minds open throughout our lives, and try to learn something from every opportunity we are faced with or person we meet. never stop learning. never stop sharing. and most of all, never stop living (: