Monthly Archives: May 2013

labour of love

i have always sucked at making money. because of that, i have been judged as lazy, unmotivated, ambition-less. i wish to clear something up today. it is not that i can’t push myself to make money. i just simply choose not to.

i choose instead, to focus on the simpler things in life. i want to work on being content with less and less until someday i do not feel the desire to have material possessions. that doesn’t mean i’d throw everything in a bin. of course i’d treasure what i already have, i just don’t want to dedicate my life to the constant chase of a misdirected idea of success and stability.

i don’t want anyone to think it’s easy. consciously knowing and accepting that doing what i love comes with financial instability is scary. trying to live with less is a tough journey; one that takes a lot of determination in the current society we live in. everyone’s always striving to be able to afford more. beauty enhancements, outrageous holidays, better gadgets, more luxuries, nicer cars, bigger houses and the list is never ending.

removing the desire to have everything and more is torturous in ways. some part of me does want all the riches in the world. but the one thing i do have that keeps me on track is love. who i love, what i love, why i love, how i love.

i’ve thought about it hard. at the end of this lifetime (and any other), i don’t think it would matter what i owned or how much there is saved up in my bank.

it would matter to me what i spend my life doing. how hard i struggle to fight the currents of the mainstream society to stay true to myself. the hurdles that i jump over. how much i continuously grow. what experiences i share and lessons i pass on. how i love. how many bonds i forge with the people i love. how many bonds i forge with strangers. and most importantly, how sincere and unselfish my intentions are in doing anything i do.

with that i hereby state –

i do not dream of rainbowed being a successful “business” someday. the stuff i sell there is frequently under-priced for the amount of effort i put into it. and as it continues to grow, i will find ways to shrink the prices instead of charging people more until the day i can give everything away for free. i do not want to “get rich or die trying”.

my true goal with rainbowed is to use it as a channel to spread love and flood the world with colours in the hope that people will in turn let their true colours shine more brightly too; and pass it forward. for that reason, i hope my audience and reach grows because slowly but surely, if i choose to use what little influence i have in a positive way on my surroundings, my surroundings will change.

so yes, i will continue to suck at making money. and i will be proud of that because money doesn’t matter. money doesn’t matter one bit. there is so much more in life that we could be doing. and that’s the path i will always choose (:

point of no return ;)

point of no return ;)

yes, i’ve started dreading my hair! the lower half of my head is done, and i’m working on the rest of it now. taking ages because i want to do this naturally. no wax/products. i now understand why people say that dreading is a journey. i can’t wait for my dreads to slowly mature and grow long. i can’t wait to grow with it :)



i absolutely have no time to sit in front of the computer to update my blog.

Untitled-3just non-stop work work work. and then night comes and i try to fall asleep as best as i can, even though a million and one things/plans are floating around my head. and then i wake up in the morning and want to jump straight out of bed to complete those million and one things/plans. this is impossible!

i am my own creative team, artist, photographer, graphic designer, editor, accountant and everything in between. sure, my boyfriend is there to support me every step of the way, but my need to know everything that is going on with RAINBOWed forces me to be focused all the time. so much so that there’s barely any free time for me to do anything else nowadays. not sure if being so dedicated is a good or bad thing, but i don’t think i know how to do it any other way.

how is it possible to feel completely organized yet scatterbrained at the exact same time?

2013’s been an AMAZING year though. i don’t even know how to describe how amazing it’s been. it’s been less than a month since RAINBOWed‘s kicked off but it feels like we’ve already done so much. life is so compact with experiences and possibilities that it’s just flying by, without really flying by at all.

i couldn’t be more grateful for all the doors that have been opening up for us!!!

funny how i spent most of my life not knowing where i stood in people’s lives. not feeling like i truly mattered, or belonged. just accepting that i was the odd one out. maybe i was odd. maybe i still am. but my life is now filled with so many “odd” people, that it kinda feels like i have a second family.

i am SO enjoying every single moment that passes now.

i hope you are doing exactly what you love and enjoying your life too (:

blue finger

here’s my confession. and after everything that’s taken place since yesterday, one I am not very proud of.

yesterday, my finger was not blue.

i have always believed that politics would interest me as much as cleaning the toilet would. i could never really understand as a child why it mattered to so many people and growing up without the influence of politically active people, i always saw myself as a vote that didn’t matter. that my 1 tiny vote would in no way make a difference in this sea of votes that were already deciding who my government would be. i didn’t even really care who the government was, and had no idea how big a part it played in the life we have in this country.

by the time I started educating myself on what was going on, it was already too late for me to register and vote for the ge13. i then thought, that’s alright. i’ll just choose to say that i stand for not being governed and continue feeling like my little vote wouldn’t make a difference. but denial can only last so long.

yesterday, i went to a polling center. i stood around and watched the crowd; alive and passionate; standing for the change they so deeply wanted to see. i saw people of all ages/races, coming together, united. and then someone asked me, assuming I had already voted; where I went to cast my ballot. then it hit me. i was ashamed. ashamed to say I wasn’t registered. ashamed to say I didn’t vote. so ashamed, i kept my hands tucked in my pockets the entire time, hoping no one would pay attention to my “indelible” ink-free fingers.

i stayed up with my housemates past midnight, waiting patiently for the votes to be counted. we watched together as BN won seat after seat. we saw them cheating, lying, doing all they could to hold on to their power. we saw the count get to 111, and experienced the wave of disappointment together.

i never in my life thought I would feel so passionately for my country in a political way. but yesterday, i was proven wrong. i cared. i cared more than anything in that moment, that the people got the justice they rightfully deserved. it wasn’t about politics, it was about us.

why didn’t my vote matter before? my vote was as important as anybody else’s. i personally know many people in my life, my generation, who probably have the same views as i do, but just like me, aren’t registered either. i’ve heard the many excuses that i understand too well. and i never did a thing to get them to register. i just stood idly by and watched, as they did; the government fall into the hands of the same ruling party for the 13th time in a row.

this election, the opposition won 51% of the popular vote. every vote matters. imagine the difference it would make if my fellow generation of voters took the time to get registered and cast their ballots too. we have won. maybe not in terms of parliamentary seats, but that is merely a statement of how unjust our system is. not how we, as a nation, feel.

the next election is in 5 years. in these 5 years, i will first register myself to vote, and then try to get the people who have been as lazy or ignorant as me to do the same. that change i make to myself may influence others in my life and that counts as more than just one vote.

yesterday, i learnt a lesson. today, i am forever changed.

i guess it makes complete sense, that politics and toilet cleaning are still 2 of the same thing. a hassle, dirty, smelly, not fun, but yet rewarding once dealt with. not to mention completely necessary too (well, until there really is no government and no one has to vote). i promise to do my part in beautifying our toilet, the next time it calls for a cleaning.

on a side note, i could not be more proud to call myself a penangite or penang lang. i have always known that the place i refer to as my hometown is magical in some ways. the area i stay in has not fallen to bn. neither has the majority of the state (: i see this as part of the silver lining.

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we have liftoff!

i think for the first time since i started blogging 5 years ago, i can say i haven’t updated because i’ve been busy and really truly mean it. life has been quite hectic, but in the most amazing of ways. as everyone probably already knows by now, rainbowed kicked off not too long ago.

1here’s our booth at playthora, palate palette.

2and this was today at atlas fest, publika.

i’m not really the kind of person who spends time thinking of achieving big things. not because i’m not capable of dreaming them up. i am. but in many ways i’ve always feared wanting these seemingly illusive accomplishments, feared i would not be able to cope with the disappointment i’d feel towards myself for failing. even though i’ve always in some way or another done what i’ve wanted to do, i’ve kept myself from setting goals and having such desires. settled for being an extraordinary person, doing somewhat ordinary things.

but the time for change has come. the old me dies with the mayan calender. the me that allowed myself to not chase the stars. the me that feared imperfection. the me that saw failure.

this me knows how much i’m capable of achieving, as soon as i put my mind (heart and soul) to it. i no longer want to go by unnoticed; just a regular joe. sure, i will never be a ceo of some world renown company. or lead my country in politics. or make millions of dollars to stash in my bank account. but i will dream, and dream big!

i will do what i do. i will give it my all.

i will live with passion, self belief and determination.

then through sharing it, i will change the world.

and if anyone ever sees me letting myself off the hook for giving up, slap me in the face! with, like, words or something. not literally ;)


p/s: i have been using any free time i have to pick up playing poi. coz it’s one of the few things i’ve chosen to try and focus on at the moment. and it’s awesome!