Monthly Archives: September 2013

happily ever after

so here’s what i’ve come to learn over the past year of being in a good solid relationship. men and women are different.

lol. now i know that’s like the understatement of a lifetime. but i never really knew how exactly we functioned differently at the core. after many many long hours of conversations and dealing with ourselves and issues we have faced, i have discovered that as simple as it may seem – women are emotional, men are logical.

when a man is hurt, the woman’s response is usually to first understand how he is feeling, then together look for ways to deal with it. these ways differ greatly, but the understanding and acknowledgement of hurt is usually present, which allows both parties to move forward. when the situation is reversed, a man typically begins with analyzing his actions to find the route cause of these “accusations” and more often than not because he did not set out to hurt his woman, does not understand why she is hurt in the first place. then logically, she should not be upset because there is no real reason for her to be. which is true, in all honesty. i have found myself on countless occasions feeling emotions that logically even i know should not be there. but when one is not allowed to feel those emotions, deal with it and move forward, conversations may turn into fights and anger at this point because stubbornly, the woman feels she has been hurt and the man does not want to accept that he could have hurt her.

it has taken me years of trying and clashing with so many egotistical men to finally get to this point. all of which i feel was necessary, but that’s a story for another day. i have always known that all people in general are different, but for the most part because i am very stubborn myself and want to delve deeper into understanding why instead of just sweeping things under the rug, it has made dealing with issues tricky and that has resulted in a lot of anger, pain and mistakes in the past.

being someone who questions instead of put up with, i am so lucky to have finally found a partner who is willing to sit with me and talk things out (albeit “talking” not being his comfort zone) – to help me understand in return, how men function. because i feel it truly is important. just as women want men to understand them, as they should; they should also understand men. i used to think that even though i know i’m emotional at times, it is my partner’s duty to just get how my emotions swing back and forth. but i was wrong. it is also my duty to see that sometimes my partner may have a hard time understanding how i think and feel. and the best way to deal with it is by holding off on some emotions, to be rational and explain it in a way that makes sense to the male brain.

at the end of the day, we thrive because of our ability to understand ourselves and each other. in dealing with things, i would not be able to sort through my feelings if my partner does not accept that i am an emotional being. and he would not be able to help me or us, if i don’t understand that he needs me to be logical with myself too. women need to understand that very often, men don’t want or plan to hurt us. they are just oblivious to certain things and don’t realise the effect of what they are doing. and men need to understand that women don’t always mean to react irrationally. you just can be really oblivious which triggers an emotional reaction that sometimes in the heat of the moment, we don’t think about controlling.

relationships are such beautifully tricky things. anyone who knows me would know that i, of all people, have had my fair share of experiences. i thought at so many points i knew what i was doing – til i realised i will never fully know. how do you know with absolute certainty a relationship you’re in is the one until you’re in your death bed and it has lasted til then? you can’t know some things, you can just believe, love and keep trying. very often i hear that that is exactly what makes a relationship last.

as we grow up we come to realise that the real fairy tale happy ending is not what we were led to believe growing up. after the prince saved the princess, they moved in together and discovered each other’s quirky little habits …and got annoyed …and fought …and made up …and repeated this as they learnt to love, understand and accept each other with time.

…and that’s the happily ever after we all hope to find.


every time someone gives me attitude and tells me that marijuana is a drug and therefore isn’t good or “right”, i feel like reaching over and strangling them out of frustration. but there is no point in trying to educate people who choose to remain ignorant, so I say the bare minimum and pretend to not be offended by their lack of knowledge or common sense.

attached here is some reading material for those of you who are doubtful about this “drug”.
still believe nature got it wrong? top 10 health benefits of marijuana
“No independent study has ever linked marijuana to psychosocial problems. Cannabis is one of the most powerful healing plants on the planet. Dozens of studies have made pseudoscientific attempts to indicate that young people who use cannabis tend to experience psychological, social problems and mental decline. However, there is no evidence that marijuana use is directly linked with such problems”

marijuana facts
“The conception of marijuana as a potentially fatal, highly addictive narcotic, on which much of last century’s anti-weed propaganda was built, has been disproved by science, which has shown that it’s almost literally impossible for humans to consume enough THC to overdose. (In fact, dying from drinking too much water would be far easier.) ”

10 facts about marijuana 
“There is no compelling evidence that marijuana contributes substantially to traffic accidents and fatalities. In driving studies, marijuana produces little or no car-handling impairment – consistently less than produced by low to moderate doses of alcohol and many legal medications. In contrast to alcohol, which tends to increase risky driving practices, marijuana tends to make subjects more cautious. ”

marijuana vs cigarettes
“After 20 years of testing, researchers found some buzzworthy results: regular marijuana smokers (defined by up to a joint a day for seven years) had no discernible impairment in lung activity from non-smokers. In fact, researchers were surprised to find marijuana smokers performed slightly better than both smokers and non-smokers on the lung performance test. Why? The most likely explanation seems to be that the act of inhaling marijuana—holding each puff in for as long as possible—is a lot like a pulmonary function test, giving marijuana smokers an edge over their cigarette smoking counterparts.”

if you choose to read it, good on you for at least wanting to expose yourself to the truth. there’s a lot you may not know about marijuana. here’s some history on why it became an illegal substance
why marijuana became illegal
“Marijuana has been around since the dawn of recorded history. The first known use of cannabis dates to 7,000 B.C. Marijuana was used as a medicinal herb by the ancient Chinese, Egyptians, Greeks, and Romans for stomach ailments, cramps, and pain. Marijuana was first used in the U.S. for medical purposes in the 1800’s, however, the cannabis (hemp) plant fiber had been in use for thousands of years. Hemp fiber was the main ingredient of the first woven fabric. Hemp was used to make rope, twine, cloth, and paper among other things.”

ignorance annoys me. are we not from the age of information where knowledge is at the tip of our fingers? with all the proof and studies out there, should we not know to question authority when it is being selfish or downright stupid? have we not evolved enough to understand that
– our government does not have our best interest at heart
– our government lies
– there’s a ton of truth being concealed from the general public because someone stands to gain selfishly from it
– we should not just blindly believe what the law tells us

i think it’s wrong that we are being lied to about marijuana. it is frustrating when marijuana is categorized as a drug because it is truly almost harmless. there are much harder drugs in fact, even prescription medicines have more damaging effects if we’re being honest. i think it’s time to come clean and tell the truth.  if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. best decisions are made when the real facts are presented. if you are worried, don’t just tell someone they’re doing something wrong when you don’t even understand what you are talking about. education on the real benefits and effects of this NATURAL PLANT is key in changing the way things are. this is an opportunity for everyone to have a better understanding of reality. if you can’t handle reality, well, then i guess you shouldn’t be on my page ;)

my day :)

tomorrow i turn 25. in some ways that feels like stepping into the second quarter of my life – even though i don’t actually want to live to a hundred. 25’s also the age my mum was when she had me. times have certainly changed because i don’t think i’m in a place where i want to have children just yet. in fact, i can’t say for sure if i know that i even do want to have children. the idea of adopting is becoming more appealing as time goes by – and maybe that’s what i want to do instead someday. so many children in the world without love. so much love i can give. that sounds like a match made in heaven.

the past year has been one of extreme growth for me. it hasn’t always been bright and colourful, but the tough challenges are what made me that much wiser. nowadays, i have so much to be grateful for. lovely parents who love me, friends who enjoy my company, a place to call home, a wonderful partner. my awareness has expanded, my perspectives changed, my heart loves more, my soul is more at peace. i also know myself more now than ever before and understand a purer purpose to my existence. so many things have been sorted out that now, all that’s left to do is focus on achieving our goals and living to love.

as for my birthday present to myself this year, i am quitting smoking. i have already quit drinking and now i’m adding this to the list. i’m not a heavy smoker to begin with and i haven’t been smoking for long at all, but this pointless habit that surrounds my life has really been bugging me and i figured it feels like the best time now to say enough is enough. everyone chooses to live life a different way and i have always allowed myself to feel like being around people who smoke is a reasonable enough excuse for me to smoke because it’s so hard to have “temptation” in your face 24/7. but who are we kidding here? no excuse is a good enough excuse for me to be doing something i don’t even want in my life. and i am dedicated as hell when i set my mind to things, so here’s goodbye to stupid pointless cigarettes! i never liked you to begin with and i doubt i’m gonna be missing you.

now on to the next phase of my life! i wonder what stories i will have to tell as i turn 50 someday. so much to look forward to! :D

beauty fool

what a strange world we live in where instead of being thought the beauty of aging gracefully, we scratch and claw at any hope of holding on to our youth a little bit longer. i should know. i used to think beauty was make up, contact lenses, perfect hair, dolling up. why? because of all the subtle and obvious messages being targeted at us girls.

i used to be fascinated by bloggers like xiaxue – not mainly because of the content of thier writing, but because it made so much sense to me at that point to want to be beautiful. and somehow, that was my idea of beauty. fixing yourself wherever you could to look “perfect”. but i never did feel perfect, even though looks wise, i wouldn’t say i’ve ever had anything to really complain about in the first place.

maybe some feel it’s personal choice (and it is) if someone chooses the fake, chemical, plastic route to beauty. but i think it becomes really dangerous when role models, women that young impressionable girls get drawn to and crave to be like – are teaching them that beauty is not what’s on the inside. it’s dangerous that girls who never had any issues with their appearances start to worry about essentially, nothing. once again, like me.

i used to feel beautiful growing up, because i don’t think there was ever a moment in which my parents and family didn’t make me feel just that. my childhood was not full of feeling flawed, or imperfect or like i needed fixing. the same can not be said about my late teenage – early adulthood years though. people like xiaxue and their extreme passion for fixing themselves, damaged me. and i allowed it to happen because that’s what every little girl wants to be – pretty. all of a sudden, my hair wasn’t silky enough, my eyes weren’t big enough, boobs not big, chin not sharp, nose not small, skin not smooth, body not thin enough. even the clothes and products i had were beginning to fail me. so i chased. i chased this image of beauty in my mind, spent money on useless crap and hurt myself in the process.

but i could never reach that finishing line. not unless i was willing to spend so much more. branded beauty products, visits to beauty saloons, treatment for hair, slimming pills, plastic surgery and the list goes on. truth is, i really did want those luxuries and results. but thank god for me no matter how badly i wanted that, i was never willing to sell my soul to some job i hated just to make enough money to spend on that. but i feel i’m one of the luckier ones because a LOT of girls end up getting much further than i did down that path. a lot of girls get sucked into the idea that beauty is something you can purchase off shelves or make an appointment for.


beauty is truly something within. beauty is being warm, caring, loving, smart, loyal, talented, passionate – all that is positive and bright. it is having confidence in who you are and strength to face the world. beauty is something we all have for the world to see, even if you are born without hair or limbs. who cares what you look like on the outside when your insides matter so much more? i see beauty in all of my friends, and they come in many different shapes, colours and sizes.

this image of beauty we are being fed is only skin deep. but if we allow it to get to us, it can destroy our inner peace, drive us insane and send us down a path of self loathing and destruction. i worry because for the longest time, i didn’t want to think something was wrong with me, even though i was secretly wishing i could be something other than what i was. and i know for a fact, that is what so many of my girlfriends or acquaintances feel.

i cannot say i have fully removed the associations my mind makes with what beauty should be. but i have definitely come to embrace being natural a whole lot more. i no longer use products or make up for my skin. or desire to look different. i know the person i am on the inside. not perfect because there is no such thing as perfect, but beautiful nonetheless. and whatever ugly i have in terms of personality i am working on and making full use of the time i have with myself – instead of wasting it away, worrying about my physical appearance.

i’m glad i feel this way about myself now. especially because i am beginning to see how girls in their mid to late 20s are starting to worry about aging and getting wrinkles. some say it’s better to prevent the aging now before it really even starts, instead of having to fix it later on. how ridiculous is that? aging is natural. why use chemicals to fight nature? i’m 25 this year, and i’m not going to ruin myself that way. i will eat healthy, drink loads of water, live and active lifestyle and love each and every wrinkle or sun spot i collect as i get older.

as long as i’m loving myself, i am happy. and the happier i am, the more love i would have – to give to the world.

david vs goliath

in a world that feeds on consumerism, nothing stands to threaten the system as effectively as the power we have as consumers, customers, shoppers – someone’s target audience.

why we don’t choose to fully utilize our ability to change the very world we see, i can only guess at. what i do know though is that as a consumer myself, my decisions play a part in this world being what it is now, and becoming what it will be in the future. i have come to see over time that it is not only the big decisions that we make, but also the mundane everyday things we don’t pay attention to that are shaping our society.

imagine if we decided to change our habits. to question who our money is going to, where it is being spent and how those decisions affect humanity on a larger scale. wouldn’t we be so much more careful in spending our hard earned cash? money that makes the world go round. money that people can’t live without. money that time and time again falls into the wrong hands and results in decisions being made for us, behind our backs, without our consent – effectively lowering the quality of our lifestyles.

realising my power, i have chosen to withdraw my unintentional support towards money hungry corporations who care about nothing else but the profit in their pockets at the end of the day. that list includes but is not limited to :-

fast food chains – a&w, burger king, carls jr, dunkin donuts, kenny rogers roasters, kfc, marrybrown, mcdonalds, nandos, pizza hut, wendys.

with obesity being an epidemic and health being a main concern, what better way than to stop feeding money to fast food chains who compete to provide lower, more affordable unhealthy meals to the general public? is their food tasty? hell yes. i myself got fat (20 kilos heavier than i am now) on fast food because when you don’t think about what you’re eating, it’s extremely irresistible. there are absolutely no health benefits from such meals though, and wouldn’t it be much better for the world if those places went out of business and made way for healthier-but-still-yummy alternatives? subway deserves an “honorable” mention here because all throughout my adult years, i thought subway was that healthier alternative. but do you know that if you add on cheese and sauce (which is free, so why would we not), it ends up having more calories and salt than a big mac?

cosmetic companies – avon, bobbi brown, chanel, clean and clear, clinique, clearasil, dove, donna karan, elizabeth arden, estee lauder, garnier, head & shoulders, l’oreal, l’occitane, lancome, mac, maybelline, neutrogena, olay, pantene, revlon, shiseido, sunsilk.

secondly, i believe that the advertising industry has over the years led many astray and created a culture in which we are constantly chasing perfection. unnecessary perfection. as a matter of fact, perfection that doesn’t even exist to begin with. and in that search for unobtainable perfection, we expose ourselves to all kinds of chemicals and contaminants which at best, create an illusion of improvement. i recently found out that shampoo washing over my face was actually damaging my skin and the soap i took for granted was getting me clean has also been drying out my skin and fast-forwarding its aging. the alternative here? natural products. from the earth. so much healthier, and cheaper!

monsanto, syngenta, dow agrosciences, basf, bayer, dupont – producers of genetically engineered seeds and their chemical herbicide and insecticide counterparts. environmentally, monsanto crops are engineered to be immune to herbicide so that farmers can destroy weeds without killing their crops, but the process has spawned roundup resistant weeds, forcing farmers to apply bigger doses of the chemical or use even more toxic methods to get rid of the superweeds – poisoning our insects, birds, aquatic life, atmosphere and everything else along the way. monsanto already has an office in damansara. food companies under monsanto (that are not legally required to let you know that their products contain GMO ) – cadburry, campbells, coca cola, famous amos, heinz, hunts, knorr, kellogs, craft/phillip morris, pepsi, pillsbury, pringles, quaker, shweppes.

that seems like a very long list, and in all honesty – it is. i understand how completely reasonable it is for any individual to feel like at least once in a while, they should get to treat themselves to tempting fast food, buy and use products and be an average, normal person. there are days where i’d like to not care about anything and revert back to my old habits too. but i have made a personal choice to be a tad bit extreme and learn to live without such junk because i believe my little purchases count for more than i’d like them to.

as consumers, we are often unaware of our purchasing power or the effect we have on each other – on a global scale. however, consumers no longer need to live in ignorance. there is a whole world of information that has been made available to us so we can (when we choose to) be aware of the truth. my choices may seem educated to some and completely crazy to others. to me, it is not a change i am making only for the betterment of myself and my life, it is a way in which i feel i am capable of giving back to earth and humanity.

there are many ways, many people can make a difference. we don’t all have to do the same thing, but we do have to individually be aware and try our goddamned best. don’t get too comfortable with the world you think you know today. don’t settle for the supposed reality we are being fed. the odds have not been so heavily stacked against good since david took on goliath but as we begin to realise our power together – us many little people who feel like nobodies will see that we have always been strong enough to knock those big guys off their greedy, selfish asses ;)