happily ever after

so here’s what i’ve come to learn over the past year of being in a good solid relationship. men and women are different.

lol. now i know that’s like the understatement of a lifetime. but i never really knew how exactly we functioned differently at the core. after many many long hours of conversations and dealing with ourselves and issues we have faced, i have discovered that as simple as it may seem – women are emotional, men are logical.

when a man is hurt, the woman’s response is usually to first understand how he is feeling, then together look for ways to deal with it. these ways differ greatly, but the understanding and acknowledgement of hurt is usually present, which allows both parties to move forward. when the situation is reversed, a man typically begins with analyzing his actions to find the route cause of these “accusations” and more often than not because he did not set out to hurt his woman, does not understand why she is hurt in the first place. then logically, she should not be upset because there is no real reason for her to be. which is true, in all honesty. i have found myself on countless occasions feeling emotions that logically even i know should not be there. but when one is not allowed to feel those emotions, deal with it and move forward, conversations may turn into fights and anger at this point because stubbornly, the woman feels she has been hurt and the man does not want to accept that he could have hurt her.

it has taken me years of trying and clashing with so many egotistical men to finally get to this point. all of which i feel was necessary, but that’s a story for another day. i have always known that all people in general are different, but for the most part because i am very stubborn myself and want to delve deeper into understanding why instead of just sweeping things under the rug, it has made dealing with issues tricky and that has resulted in a lot of anger, pain and mistakes in the past.

being someone who questions instead of put up with, i am so lucky to have finally found a partner who is willing to sit with me and talk things out (albeit “talking” not being his comfort zone) – to help me understand in return, how men function. because i feel it truly is important. just as women want men to understand them, as they should; they should also understand men. i used to think that even though i know i’m emotional at times, it is my partner’s duty to just get how my emotions swing back and forth. but i was wrong. it is also my duty to see that sometimes my partner may have a hard time understanding how i think and feel. and the best way to deal with it is by holding off on some emotions, to be rational and explain it in a way that makes sense to the male brain.

at the end of the day, we thrive because of our ability to understand ourselves and each other. in dealing with things, i would not be able to sort through my feelings if my partner does not accept that i am an emotional being. and he would not be able to help me or us, if i don’t understand that he needs me to be logical with myself too. women need to understand that very often, men don’t want or plan to hurt us. they are just oblivious to certain things and don’t realise the effect of what they are doing. and men need to understand that women don’t always mean to react irrationally. you just can be really oblivious which triggers an emotional reaction that sometimes in the heat of the moment, we don’t think about controlling.

relationships are such beautifully tricky things. anyone who knows me would know that i, of all people, have had my fair share of experiences. i thought at so many points i knew what i was doing – til i realised i will never fully know. how do you know with absolute certainty a relationship you’re in is the one until you’re in your death bed and it has lasted til then? you can’t know some things, you can just believe, love and keep trying. very often i hear that that is exactly what makes a relationship last.

as we grow up we come to realise that the real fairy tale happy ending is not what we were led to believe growing up. after the prince saved the princess, they moved in together and discovered each other’s quirky little habits …and got annoyed …and fought …and made up …and repeated this as they learnt to love, understand and accept each other with time.

…and that’s the happily ever after we all hope to find.

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