Monthly Archives: December 2013

junk in the trunk

today i imported my old posts over to this blog.

when i switched over to thecolourrainbow, i wanted a “fresh” start because it felt like a new chapter of my life, and it has been. but i realized that’s no reason to throw away the old. there is nothing in my past i need to erase. it just is what it is.

1990.9 family b

i removed what i felt i didn’t want to look back on or be reminded of and along with that went all the beautiful memories i obviously wanted to hold on to. truth is that for anything ugly or painful that’s happened in my life, there have been a hundred beautiful moments in between.

i initially wanted to be selective of what got transferred over, but i ended up with everything here. i realised nothing made sense all choppy that way. when pieced together – all the good and bad – only then would it tell the story of my life. well that and the fact that i had over 500 posts and just didn’t want to waste that much time sorting through all of it. (which means any links on posts before 2013 will most likely not work)

everyone holds on to memories in their own way. maybe some may feel it’s silly to have everything just put out there for the world to see, but my blog has been an extension of the space in my head for a really long time. i have always held on to memories/thoughts/feelings whether i want to or not. i discovered when i started writing that it allows me to let quite a lot of things go because i know it will never be lost – clearing space up for more important matters of the present. and that way i could stay light and grow faster, instead of feeling pinned down by the accumulation of experiences and everything i have related to in the past.

and i guess i choose to leave it out in the open because i don’t feel there’s anything in my life to be private or ashamed about. i have stumbled, made stupid choices, been angry, upset, disappointed, hurt, i’ve cut and i’ve cried but then each and every time, i recovered to see the beauty in all the things that got me down in the first place – learnt some lessons and grew stronger. it took me a long time to get to a place (within myself) where i feel stable and sane. yet, that doesn’t guarantee i will never fall again.

too many people think they are alone when they are not.

when i started 5 and a half years ago, i told myself that if reaching out touches someone’s life even if just for a moment, the self inflicted lack of privacy would be worth it, and i would share for as long as i can. by now it’s a habit. but not one of those bad ones that i’m trying to work through.

breast lift

yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured.

i found a solution to my problem. after ages of feeling and fearing my pain, i decided enough is enough – there is more i can do – and i’m gonna do it. for the past month now, i have been doing yoga almost daily. an hour and a half of my mornings as the sun comes out of hiding. sometimes an hour as the sun sets. i start with sun salutations then feel my body, what it needs and take it from there. by the time i’m done, i feel energized, properly stretched out and ready to take on life. what’s so beautiful about it is that (despite my initial skepticism) it has in fact made me feel better – by correcting and straightening my spine. the best part? i can get my body back to what is was – in fact with the way things are going, i believe soon i’ll be in a better place physically and mentally than ever before.

i’ve gone for some classes in the past and i would say i’ve always had an interest in yoga but making it a part of my daily life has been life changing. and i didn’t start with going for classes this time. classes are hard to maintain because 1. they cost a bomb 2. leaving the house, driving to the yoga studio and braving through traffic leaves anyone with too many excuses as to why they “don’t have/want to go today”. so i taught myself yoga. i watched a lot of online sessions, did my research, studied many poses – their anatomical focus, therapeutic applications, benefits, contraindications – and then practiced.

through my journey, i have been reminded that when i am dedicated, i am an extremely fast learner and i do not allow anything to get in the way of me accomplishing what i choose to.

yoga has changed my life. it has given me more confidence in my stride, more love for my health and well being, more happiness and pride in knowing that i am doing the best i can for myself in this moment.

and yes, a (natural) breast lift too. which i honestly didn’t know was possible unless i wanted to spend loads on fake “accessories”. thanks but no thanks.

so much i didn’t know. it makes me sad to think of all those years i spent sitting on a chair (all through school) thinking “hey, this is normal. this is life” – without knowing how unnatural and bad we can be to ourselves. all i needed to do to prevent the pain i felt was to just be aware. but how could i have been aware when no one taught me those things as i was growing up? how could they have taught me when no one taught them? so many years of trying to figure everything else out in life and missing what really mattered.

i am in love with yoga because through having it in my life, i am now better able to help those around me by sharing the beauty i have found. it’s not something we are taught in school, or preached to about but those who understand yoga, would not want to imagine a life without it.

yoga is invigoration in relaxation. freedom in routine. confidence through self control. energy within and energy without. when you do it right, it REALLY is THAT beautiful.

sometime soon (once i reach my goal in strength and flexibility) i will take up a yoga instructor course and help others heal. i will volunteer to teach it at schools. participate in communities. this is how i can truly give back. i am inspired.

but just in case you aren’t or don’t get how amazing yoga can be, here’s a photo of a 95 year old yogi. yes 95! and she’s not the only one – there are many yogis in their golden years. some have even been around for over a century.

MG_4856-2-1024x705

i rest my case ;)