today i had to do a painful ugly thing. in order to do so, i had to tap into a part of myself that i have been working on removing over the past few years. but sometimes when you’re learning and trying to be a nicer person, people walk over you
a little a lot. that’s the problem with niceness, and everything else in life i guess. you have to find just the right balance that allows you to be fair to others and at the same time fair to yourself.
my goal is to eventually someday in life, be fully able to willingly give others and allow them to take from me because it’s a beautiful thing to help. but it’s not something that can be forced, can it? take from someone who is unwilling and it is a crime. give when you are unwilling and you harbor ill feelings inside.
we recently moved into a new house with 2 of our friends, a couple. it was somewhat agreed upon through many discussions prior to the move that we would do it as a family – where we’d care for the big garden together, work on the house together and spend lots of time bonding. i didn’t want to move in with people because i really do like my own space but my partner likes the idea of community and thought these were the people to give it a shot with.
thing is, i really care about the space that i live in. from cleaning to painting to making our own furniture. my life is my home or vice versa. and i’m very happy living that way. i get to spend time working on myself and my space – letting my mind calm down and empty out. but everything since day 1 has been nothing but mess. while we have been spending all our time at home working on our beautiful space, they have been an endless queue of issues and excuses. from bringing very questionable people over to do very questionable things to not having time to do anything for the house because they had a “situation” to take care off.
we learnt that every expectation we had, we had to remove. until all we were left with was “okay, you don’t have to do anything at all. just please respect the space and clean up after your mess”. and then they still managed to pull a fast one on us, inviting a guest over without checking with us, and then leaving us with no choice but to say fine. and then she was angry we weren’t okay with it. angry that we wanted them to ask us first before making plans for our shared space. what a joke.
so today, after trying to explain nicely that we were just hurt and slightly disappointed that all the work in the house was left to us as they just wanted to “lepak” and have fun. after pleading for them to just work with us and not give up. they said they would rather not, it’d be better if they left, so i threw them out. which they may think is harsh, but after filling my home with crap and yelling at me, they expected to stay a bit longer? they expected us to help them out…some more?
this has reinforced the ugly truth that i have already known for years – which i learnt the hard way through clashes with people and really looking myself in the mirror. the exact reason why i didn’t naively want to believe that this could work (with them). some people are ignorant fools. i was one myself.
do not associate with the ignorant.
if you do not find a person who is better than, or at least equal to yourself, it is better to be alone rather than keep company with foolish people. there is no profitable companionship with fools.
despite trying and trying and trying and trying, at the end of the day, you cannot help someone who does not want to help him/herself. for the most part, i don’t care what someone’s life choices are. nor do i judge a person’s past. if i did, i’d be sitting here, judging myself all day for all the nonsense i’ve gotten myself into. but the now always matters. this moment we share, where i am in your space and you in mine, we have to be aware of each other’s emotions. we have to be fair to each other. once it has passed, it’s in the past and doesn’t matter anymore. but friendships, relationships are a collection of these moments. fill it with too much crap and it will fall to pieces.
my ex-housemates were too much crap. all the trouble they were was actually quite bearable. that’s why i chose to deal with them like an adult. i talked to them and shared what i felt (after talking everything over with my partner) and the conversations always ended well. what made it unbearable was that after everything, they were still ungrateful, chose to be angry, and the cherry on top of the crap cake was her being bitchy, giving me attitude, and throwing a tantrum like she didn’t know her place. like she was a child. so, whatever. if people can’t learn to communicate, it’s not my place to teach them, to my own detriment. they learn or they continue to pay the price for it.
i am SO HAPPY now that i have cleared the crap out of my space. SO MUCH LIGHTER. like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders. and i do not wish them any ill. i just want to live my life the way i want to live it, not drop my standards to the amount of crap other people are willing to tolerate in theirs.