the truth is that the problem is not the problem. the problem is your attitude about the problem.
and that applies to everyone and every situation we face, doesn’t it?
i sit here this time, not feeling angry. not upset. not hating. not wishing ill.
i sit here feeling sad. sad that we kinda lost a friend because his partner was not on the same page as the rest of us. i’m sad that despite trying to talk to them, her excuses in not knowing how to talk to us and at the same time attitude towards anything we brought up got in the way of something that would have otherwise, worked.
we know our friend, we could always live with him. he wanted to live with us. that was always the plan. and we already did in the past. there were never any issues. any discussions we had, he himself called them uplifting. because sometimes it’s good to discuss things that no one wants to talk about. as long as we focus on how much we can be better, how much we can help each other, how much we care. what’s so wrong about that? he thanked us for helping him realise that he needs to allow himself to communicate and express feelings so they don’t become pent up frustration or hurt. just as we thanked him for being there for us. him, we knew how to deal with.
but you can’t just choose to live with a person and ban them from including their partner. i know personally the strain in puts on a relationship for people to not accept you together. you have to accept pairs as a package. whether you want to or not, it’s someone elses choice. not yours. because it’s awfully terrible to say i love you, but i don’t know the person you are with so i don’t want to care about him/her. i choose to love first, because if i love a person, by extension, i love the people they love too.
her though, despite me telling her directly that i do not know her well enough for me to want to say anything to her. and that she should be smart and stay out of any conversation unless she was ready to get involved, because he was our friend, and she was new. she still chose to open her mouth. when she did, all i said to her was please don’t get involved. i don’t know you well enough and we could either be best friends or hate each other, so lets try to make sure it goes in the positive direction. again she opened her mouth. and even worse, gave us attitude.
i know we brought up some guidelines to follow such as put off your lights when you’re out. put things back where you take them from so things don’t get lost. the tv (which is a gift from my dad and very precious to me) is for the adults to watch or for educational kids stuff, not cartoons every day. check with us first before bringing guests over so everyone is alright with it. and everything applied to all of us, not just them. to me i guess, every home functions a certain way. we were merely telling them how we wanted things to be like in our home.
he agreed, and actually didn’t have a problem with it once he talked to us. but she didn’t know how to. and then she kept grudges. and said she was “selamba” or chill. but then exploded with attitude in our faces. so i guess what i wanted was too much of a struggle for her to maintain. that to her, i was uptight and demanding. which i know to some degree, i definitely am. but this was supposed to be a home. a family home. where we worked out kinks so we could all function together. which we spoke to him about before even deciding to move in together. like i said, she just wasn’t on the same page.
she was playing by her own rules and demands. she would get angry, he would not know how to explain things to her and we didn’t know her well or long enough to know how to get through her walls. so i suppose that’s where we all failed. we failed to realise that this 4th element we included was a wild one, that had no plans on taming herself down for the common goal.
that is why the problem is not the problem. the problem is your attitude about the problem. because any issue can be worked through, if all parties are willing to deal with it together rationally. without emotional instability getting in the way.
it is so painful to have to find another home now because i’ve already fallen in love with this place. this was supposed to be a 2 year contract, at least. something i could pour my heart and soul into. and now we have to leave. the house is too costly and huge for just the 2 of us and when we asked multiple times (before asking them to leave) if they wanted to stay and work through this, she wanted to just leave. they backed out of a 2 year contract coz shit got real.
but what’s more painful is that no matter how many times my stubborn annoying head replays everything that happened, i couldn’t have and still cannot do anything to hold on to a friendship that meant a lot to us. like i said, him we could deal with and never faced any issues. but a woman can make or break a man (and vice versa).
it really sucks to lose a close friend. as if i have that many in my life to be alright with losing one in the first place. i thought i was done with having to deal with emotionally immature women. i have chosen my friends very wisely and thoroughly enjoy the company of all the people i have kept close to my heart. my life is drama free and comfortably mundane. i guess i didn’t take into consideration the women the men in my life choose to be with. maybe next time i’ll take the cold, wary approach and keep them out until they earn their space in my life. that must be why people do it to me. lesson learnt.