the time has come for me to start really thinking about whether i would like to have children or not. you know, i always just assumed that i would. loving the idea of love and wanting to raise little human beings to have love, how could that not be the path i want to walk down?
but the more i walk the path i am already on, the more i come to realise that i may not actually want to have children of my own. let’s face it, the woman’s biological clock is pretty unfair if you’re looking at the society and world we have created around us. it’s not the greatest thing to conceive past 35, for both the woman and baby. but how many of us really reach a point of knowing ourselves and being able to fully care for children in our 20s?
if you asked me, because my partner and i have solid plans for what we would like to do to provide for the next generation that is dependent on us having a green land of our own, it’s just not likely that having children before 30 would best benefit any of us.
it’s strange and beautiful how much this life has changed me on my inside. if you asked me any point before the past year, i would have said i’m going to have children of my own, without a second thought. but that’s just it. it was a choice that came from not much thought. just something i assumed would be the natural progression of things. everything’s different now, and i’m really looking forward to getting to a wholesome place and then adopt.
instead of bringing more lives into this already crowded world, i really want to provide love and a home to little human beings that are already here but lack the very things i’d have to offer. and why can’t it be someone elses biological child that i raise? does it have to be my own child? why can’t it just be a child of the world? what we want isn’t to have ownership over a child or feel like it’s this mini us walking around. what we want is to help provide for the next generation of people. maybe it’s better that it’s people who are already here.
if we can provide better at a slightly older, more matured age, and provide for many instead of just a few – i don’t see why i should allow myself to feel like there’s this rush, to make sure i have children before my biological clock runs out. why not just enjoy this wonderful journey at a natural rate and adjust accordingly?
i love the idea of adoption. our children would really be children of the world. the rejects, the abandoned, the unlucky. we could give them love, a shelter, a home. space to be who they are before they go off to do what they want to do in life. we could turn a negative in someone’s life into a positive and remove some pain from the world.
so i still want to do everything with my children the way i’ve always imagined. i cannot imagine not helping the next generation in any way i can. the change is that they wouldn’t be biologically mine, and that’s okay. it really takes some getting used to though, how appealing this feels to me more and more each passing day.