so here’s the little secret. i took a pregnancy test 2 days ago and it was semi/faintly positive. clear enough to be an obvious line, but not dark like it should be for a big fat yes. i’ve been feeling some fatigue and nausea, things i experienced with the first pregnancy. but i dare not dream. my miscarriage happened over a month ago and i haven’t gotten my period yet. i know a false positive is common after a miscarriage so i’ve got to wait a week to test again to find out if the line’s lighter or darker. i also know that some women conceive again very soon after a miscarriage before their cycles return and go on to have normal healthy pregnancies. but that’s not always the case.

i wish i could take a home pregnancy test and confirm it beyond a doubt or that i’d just get my period. just so i’d know. it’s killing me – being in limbo.

if we’re not pregnant, we keep trying. but what happens when we are? i never thought i’d experience a miscarriage. it doesn’t just feel simple and exciting anymore. i’m scared.

but i know we’ll have to take it a step at a time.

gosh. i do hope i’m pregnant again.

i really really do.

One thought on “ssshh

  1. sgrmse. says:

    keeping my fingers, toes & heart crossed for you, too!!!

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