Monthly Archives: September 2015

the 5th month

i thought i’d write a post on pregnancy before i’m done being pregnant and completely forget what this phase of waiting for baby feels like. the strange thing is i hardly feel pregnant at all sometimes. the first trimester was a little uncomfortable – having to fight the urge to be sick, newly heightened sense of smell that made me so aware of everything, being tired and wanting to nap. but it really is true that the second trimester is a little break before i get big and heavy. maybe nature has it that way so women don’t suffer continuously for the whole 10 months. yes, 10 months since i’m technically supposed to be pregnant for 40 weeks beginning from ovulation. i wonder why it’s always referred to as 9.

baby is growing and i’m starting to show. although in loose clothes i still look very much normal. i’m thinking i’d just look like i have a little pouch to anyone who doesn’t know i’m pregnant. looking forward to having a bigger bump really! but i’ll be patient and treasure the ease of movement i have at the moment.

we are busy busy busy preparing for the arrival of baby. it’s not all baby related stuff besides the researching side because i’ve been studying and there really isn’t too much that baby needs actually. so many people have said how expensive it is to have a child nowadays but really i think it’s the parents who want to live an expensive lifestyle. having a child is as simple as providing the basics and lots of love. the basics can be pretty damn affordable and love is tough work, but it’s free. i shall put this theory to the test soon and report back on how whether i still feel the same way after having to take care of a child.

the rest of what’s keeping us busy is setting up our home. to make sure that the space is satisfactory for us so we don’t have to think of home improvement work once baby is here. i doubt we’d have time or energy for any of that for a while.

sometimes it feels surreal that i am at this point in life. i’ve been waiting forever for this moment but the journey to get here has played out so differently. for a while it felt like i wasn’t living the life i wanted to live but since detaching from childhood fantasy like expectations, i’ve come to realise how much i’m really loving the life that i do have.

my in-laws have finally decided to give us the green light to be together. after 3 years, a wedding (they did not attend) and a baby on the way. well, i guess better late than never. i’m personally not one for giving a shit about getting approval – especially not from people who have continuously treated me horribly – but i know that this is the family i’ve married into and whether it suits me or not, these are my husband’s parents. even if i could walk away and not care, he wouldn’t ever be able to. so i’m hoping this baby gives them a reason to just be happy for him and love him and their grandchild and not create such drama and negativity anymore.

once again i feel so grateful for the amazingly wonderful family i’ve been blessed with that’s been nothing but loving and supportive through this very memorable phase of my life. count the blessings i do have, right? :)

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pop!

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today marks 3 years since we moved into that really shitty room in kota.

we’d only technically been seeing each other for about a month when we found ourselves having to do what neither of us had done before. choose to rent a place and live together right off the back. things were messy and we didn’t have support or friends to help us but we didn’t feel we had a choice because walking away was just not an option. love had already happened. it was too late to change our minds.

3 years and i find myself more in love with my (now) husband than ever before. i did tell him at the start that i figure it’d probably take about 3 years for us to work through our differences and get to this point. that’s pretty excellent foresight!

i really wanted to make note of this “anniversary” because of how much love i feel for us and life right now. to have it here as a reminder if i ever looked back in the future. but the reality is that my limited vocabulary and untrained writing skills very simply can’t seem to put into words – the depth of (pregnant) emotions i have been experiencing.

what a bummer.

because i’ve really been full with so much love and happiness i’m surprised i haven’t popped like a balloon yet!

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