Category Archives: A NATURAL LIFE

on this thing we call covid 19

consider that everything in life, what makes up life is energy. and all of living is an exchange of energy. yin and yang – yang being exertion and yin being replenishing.

everyday we give and receive energy in the things we do. the food we eat. the air we breathe. the love we receive. to achieve a state of equilibrium, we must find the balance between yin and yang. certain activities exert energy and some replenish. one method is to go back and forth = the harder we work, the harder we play to try and keep our energy balanced. the other method is to bring it together and to exert whilst replenishing. when we do things (exert) to serve others or something larger than ourselves, we receive in return (replenish) and need not seek to restore balance. thus achieving a state of “being”. the more we are selfish and function for ourselves, the more energy we consume without replenishing in the world. resources. life. energy.

we may continue to consume, but at some point we would render the energetic being that is earth lifeless. a cycle that does not replenish can not sustain itself.

everyday we consume energy to power ourselves. it is merely a matter of how much energy we consume. pseudo energy that we believe to feed us – shopping – processed and dead food –  chemical drugs –  pharmaceutical medication – mindless entertainment – trigger chemical processes within ourselves to create an illusion of temporary happiness or joy but then leaves us depleted and craving the energy we truly need to thrive.  real energy comes from the sun, everything that feeds off and grows under the sun. real energy comes from the vibrations we receive from each other and life. the less we know how to take in energy effectively, the more we consume in efforts to replenish and sustain.

looking at what is going on in the world now, it is apparent to me that this is a story of energy. and how we exchange and transmute energy is what will decide the end game. looked at in this way, saving lives and preventing an outbreak that is part of nature are small matters. merely a page in the book. as were the outbreaks of the past. the wars. the famines.

the larger picture is who we become as a species with every life altering, consciousness altering event. how we choose to dance with energy. whether we use this to fuel love or fear.

do we choose to breathe deeper, inhaling all the energy from our surroundings with each breath? do we expand that energy through love and return it to life? do we shrink in fear and anxiety, breath held? do we waste what energy we do have on anger and retaliation in the name of justice?

perhaps we use this moment of pause to observe.

we have the choice to choose where our story goes. if we choose to love, to become that perfect balance of yin and yang and choose to transmute tragedy into a gift – then we give energy to each other and return some to the planet. if we come out of this each man for himself, then we scramble and hoard any energy we can get our hands on for security and deplete this planet of what little is left.

this is a call for unity. not just one where everyone stays home to keep each other safe and continue to keep distance out of fear. waiting for science to pump us with what they call a solution so we may trick ourselves into believing there is nothing to fear for long enough that we can return to the illusion of living.

this is an opportunity. a call to face ourselves and transmute all the fear that has been embedded at the core of our collective consciousness with every loss we have suffered. every death we have seen.

we get to take that fear now, face it and transmute it into love. love for one another. love for your neighbour, your friend, your boss, your employees, the unemployed, the homeless, the needy. love for the planet. if out of this mutual suffering, this one shared global experience we can all realise that we are indeed one – not separate from each other and anything the sun has touched, we can stop trying to consume to fill the void of separation from true oneness. from source. and see that energy is everywhere – in each other, in love, in the air we breathe and the ground beneath our feet. we do not need much more. we never did.

we have been lied to for the benefit of the few. we have been divided into different species, races, religions, culture, countries, labels, types. filled with fear that we are alone, that we are fragile. separated from each other and then ourselves so that in this void, we can be sold “wholeness”. in any and every way imaginable. so that we could be put to work, coerced by our own fear into believing that slavery is a fair trade for the currency to buy our safety and happiness.

the time has come for us to step out of the fear and into the light of the truth. to remember what has always been inside our hearts and minds (or guts). that all we need, we already have. ourselves, each other, passion, kindness, compassion, life…and this beautiful fucking planet we call earth. there is nothing to fear. even death of our physical vessel is merely a transition into more being. there is nothing to fear but fear itself.

abandon the fear, it does not nourish us. all things that come out of fear only cause us to require more energy to restore equilibrium. to consume. to destroy. we do not have to travel down this trajectory in order to nourish ourselves. if we transmute this fear and fill ourselves with love, we replenish our collective being and this energetic planet.

love on one another. remember our oneness and take care of each other as we would ourselves. take care of mother nature as we would ourselves. make time for it. make time to care. cut out all these unnecessary excesses and return to community and nature.

it is up to us to choose to see this collective experience as the greatest gift we have been given. to transmute fear into love and remember what truly gives us the energy we need to be alive.

non-stop

it’s just been so hectic since we’ve moved to taiping that i haven’t had the time to sit down and really write out a long post the way i’d like to. because short updates are so incredibly pointless and boring. almost every day is filled with all sorts of projects. one after another. constant effort and work to set up our garden and land. but i have been putting in the effort to update on our facebook page. and instagram. so at least this part of the process doesn’t go completely undocumented.

next week, real work starts on the land. and then we’ll probably be even more busy.

i’m making the time to update here because yesterday, after 4 long months of waiting, i finally miscarried and the blighted ovum washed out. two weeks ago, i was just about ready to give in and give up. we went to the hospital to see if it’d be better for me to get a d&c and of course the doctors said yes. but i’d have to be admitted for at least 3 days for them to monitor me. i hate hospitals. not dislike, hate. and unless i’m dying, i’d never admit myself into one to lay there in some crappy hospital bed with nothing to do, waiting for some kind of horrible, unnatural procedure.

so we walked away. i said i’d just be stubborn and wait for it to happen on it’s own.

then i got back and did some soul searching and realised that maybe the past 4 months have been insane. that i’m emotionally holding on to everything. i’m not a person who really lets things show. or express the struggles i’m going through. mainly because i don’t think anyone knows what to do with someone elses emotions. so after finding out it was a blighted ovum, my mum and stepdad (whom i’m very fond of) have gone through a separation leaving me with little to no contact with my stepsisters. then we had to make the decision to move but we found out my husband has a life threatening condition and was hospitalized for 10 days. during which, my grandmother died. and to be there for my husband meant missing out on the funeral process all the way back in penang. i could only be there for half a day which really wasn’t enough time for anything to sink in. i really love my grandmother. probably more purely than anyone else in my life. and then we had to deal with my husband’s family which were fear mongering and withholding support because they didn’t like our plan to move. then we moved anyways and have been setting up here.

i’ve been holding up pretty alright. i’m not one to crumble and collapse at stress or bad things happening. i think my tolerance of pain has been built up that i’m prepared for many things to happen. but on a subconscious, emotional level – i don’t think i took the time to let go of the baby we were supposed to have. i really wanted to be a mum. so that’s what i did. over the past 2 weeks, i’ve been consciously choosing to let go. it’s been an insane week emotionally. draining. especially because life doesn’t just stop when i want it to, but i did make time to let go.

and yesterday morning, it happened. i naturally miscarried almost painlessly after 20 weeks of waiting. isn’t that insane? they say risk of infection and all the bad stuff goes up after a few weeks. and they suggest after 4 weeks, if a miscarriage doesn’t happen naturally, to go in for a d&c. i now fully believe that i’m just about the most stubborn person i know. because waiting this out has felt like forever. but being here right now, i do feel it’s been completely worth it. the body, mind and soul work together and one’s got to trust in the process.

i’m really glad for the timing as volunteers get here on monday, which i’m looking forward to so much more now that i feel like i’ve stepped into the (chinese) new year as a lighter me.

spontaneous pneumothorax

Yoong is back from the hospital. they discharged him yesterday.

for those who are curious, he had a spontaneous pneumothorax (collapse of a lung) brought on by dengue virus with an underlying bullae issue. which are these benign bubble like growths that put pressure on the lungs.

they put a tube into the right side of his chest to remove the air that had leaked out, for his lung to re-expand. but the doctors said our only option was to surgically remove the bullaes by an open thoracotomy (cutting into his chest), which would leave him with a 6-7 inch wound and a lot of recovery.

after a lot of consideration, we decided to opt against the surgery. that means he has been discharged, but the issue is far from being “solved”. this options means Yoong is currently living with half of a functional right lung and about 30% of his left. the rest of the space is occupied by these super annoyingly invasive “bubbles”.

we believe, that we should believe in the body’s ability to heal from all sorts of damage. especially because the lung has been known to re-grow to an extent. we are hoping to deal with this naturally by making lifestyle & diet changes, as well as look for psychological factors (the ayurvedic way) and if things don’t go as planned, then well, that’s what life has in store for him & us. everything will happen the way it’s meant to.

it is a complete trust in fate and a whole lot of faith but we feel most confident and comfortable with this decision – no matter what the outcome is.

this is another challenge life is throwing at us. two people who have chosen to live a life as naturally as we can. to take the road less traveled and believe that everything happens for a reason. even when what’s happening appears to be hell.

i am so proud of my husband for being the man he is. for being strong and willing to push through his fears and continue to live without giving into them. making a conscious choice to live not for our human selves but for our souls is an incredibly risky move. how can we be certain we’re making the “right” choice? how can we be certain things will go well? we very simply can’t. and we know the risks we are taking.

but ultimately, it is a decision to keep acting out of love instead of fear. even if it takes us down a path of darkness and uncertainty. everything truly does happen for a reason. the more we face ourselves and rise to the challenge, the more growth we are able to experience on so many levels. if we can’t trust life and its pains, then we simply will not get to benefit from the lessons we are meant to learn in this lifetime.

we choose to trust.
we choose love.

Arture

so we’re moving to taiping. it’s confirmed. and i couldn’t be more excited. we’re looking into building earth bag homes which excites me even more. just when i was having a couple of low days feeling like part of my dream has disappeared. it’s hard to adjust my vision of a future, but that’s just what life is. constant change. this is turning out to be a phase of change that’s lead to different dreams truly coming true.

ebh1

indoor