Category Archives: hippie girl

my day :)

tomorrow i turn 25. in some ways that feels like stepping into the second quarter of my life – even though i don’t actually want to live to a hundred. 25’s also the age my mum was when she had me. times have certainly changed because i don’t think i’m in a place where i want to have children just yet. in fact, i can’t say for sure if i know that i even do want to have children. the idea of adopting is becoming more appealing as time goes by – and maybe that’s what i want to do instead someday. so many children in the world without love. so much love i can give. that sounds like a match made in heaven.

the past year has been one of extreme growth for me. it hasn’t always been bright and colourful, but the tough challenges are what made me that much wiser. nowadays, i have so much to be grateful for. lovely parents who love me, friends who enjoy my company, a place to call home, a wonderful partner. my awareness has expanded, my perspectives changed, my heart loves more, my soul is more at peace. i also know myself more now than ever before and understand a purer purpose to my existence. so many things have been sorted out that now, all that’s left to do is focus on achieving our goals and living to love.

as for my birthday present to myself this year, i am quitting smoking. i have already quit drinking and now i’m adding this to the list. i’m not a heavy smoker to begin with and i haven’t been smoking for long at all, but this pointless habit that surrounds my life has really been bugging me and i figured it feels like the best time now to say enough is enough. everyone chooses to live life a different way and i have always allowed myself to feel like being around people who smoke is a reasonable enough excuse for me to smoke because it’s so hard to have “temptation” in your face 24/7. but who are we kidding here? no excuse is a good enough excuse for me to be doing something i don’t even want in my life. and i am dedicated as hell when i set my mind to things, so here’s goodbye to stupid pointless cigarettes! i never liked you to begin with and i doubt i’m gonna be missing you.

now on to the next phase of my life! i wonder what stories i will have to tell as i turn 50 someday. so much to look forward to! :D

beauty fool

what a strange world we live in where instead of being thought the beauty of aging gracefully, we scratch and claw at any hope of holding on to our youth a little bit longer. i should know. i used to think beauty was make up, contact lenses, perfect hair, dolling up. why? because of all the subtle and obvious messages being targeted at us girls.

i used to be fascinated by bloggers like xiaxue – not mainly because of the content of thier writing, but because it made so much sense to me at that point to want to be beautiful. and somehow, that was my idea of beauty. fixing yourself wherever you could to look “perfect”. but i never did feel perfect, even though looks wise, i wouldn’t say i’ve ever had anything to really complain about in the first place.

maybe some feel it’s personal choice (and it is) if someone chooses the fake, chemical, plastic route to beauty. but i think it becomes really dangerous when role models, women that young impressionable girls get drawn to and crave to be like – are teaching them that beauty is not what’s on the inside. it’s dangerous that girls who never had any issues with their appearances start to worry about essentially, nothing. once again, like me.

i used to feel beautiful growing up, because i don’t think there was ever a moment in which my parents and family didn’t make me feel just that. my childhood was not full of feeling flawed, or imperfect or like i needed fixing. the same can not be said about my late teenage – early adulthood years though. people like xiaxue and their extreme passion for fixing themselves, damaged me. and i allowed it to happen because that’s what every little girl wants to be – pretty. all of a sudden, my hair wasn’t silky enough, my eyes weren’t big enough, boobs not big, chin not sharp, nose not small, skin not smooth, body not thin enough. even the clothes and products i had were beginning to fail me. so i chased. i chased this image of beauty in my mind, spent money on useless crap and hurt myself in the process.

but i could never reach that finishing line. not unless i was willing to spend so much more. branded beauty products, visits to beauty saloons, treatment for hair, slimming pills, plastic surgery and the list goes on. truth is, i really did want those luxuries and results. but thank god for me no matter how badly i wanted that, i was never willing to sell my soul to some job i hated just to make enough money to spend on that. but i feel i’m one of the luckier ones because a LOT of girls end up getting much further than i did down that path. a lot of girls get sucked into the idea that beauty is something you can purchase off shelves or make an appointment for.

IT IS NOT.

beauty is truly something within. beauty is being warm, caring, loving, smart, loyal, talented, passionate – all that is positive and bright. it is having confidence in who you are and strength to face the world. beauty is something we all have for the world to see, even if you are born without hair or limbs. who cares what you look like on the outside when your insides matter so much more? i see beauty in all of my friends, and they come in many different shapes, colours and sizes.

this image of beauty we are being fed is only skin deep. but if we allow it to get to us, it can destroy our inner peace, drive us insane and send us down a path of self loathing and destruction. i worry because for the longest time, i didn’t want to think something was wrong with me, even though i was secretly wishing i could be something other than what i was. and i know for a fact, that is what so many of my girlfriends or acquaintances feel.

i cannot say i have fully removed the associations my mind makes with what beauty should be. but i have definitely come to embrace being natural a whole lot more. i no longer use products or make up for my skin. or desire to look different. i know the person i am on the inside. not perfect because there is no such thing as perfect, but beautiful nonetheless. and whatever ugly i have in terms of personality i am working on and making full use of the time i have with myself – instead of wasting it away, worrying about my physical appearance.

i’m glad i feel this way about myself now. especially because i am beginning to see how girls in their mid to late 20s are starting to worry about aging and getting wrinkles. some say it’s better to prevent the aging now before it really even starts, instead of having to fix it later on. how ridiculous is that? aging is natural. why use chemicals to fight nature? i’m 25 this year, and i’m not going to ruin myself that way. i will eat healthy, drink loads of water, live and active lifestyle and love each and every wrinkle or sun spot i collect as i get older.

as long as i’m loving myself, i am happy. and the happier i am, the more love i would have – to give to the world.

au naturel

i’ve decided to go green. in as many ways as life allows me to at the moment. i put it that way because there’s so much more i want to do and change, but planning things take time. saving up for it does too. but over the past few months i have done my research and decided to take the first few steps, which i hear can be the hardest thing to do.

b3

i have 1 – stopped using shampoo and conditioner, mainly because dreads do not do well with products and also because products do actually damage your hair and skin, when it gets washed down your face and body. so i am now using the no-(sham)poo method. that means replacing shampoo with a baking soda + water mix and conditioning with apple cider vinegar + water.

i have also 2 – quit facial wash and replaced it with a combination of lemon/papaya/banana/yogurt/honey/aloevera. i am very happy to report that since quitting facial products completely, my skin no longer gets irritated, it looks healthier and glows more without ever getting oily. and my decade long battle with acne has finally come to an end!!! even at that time of the month when my skin usually decides to be a pain in my ass. apparently all the effort i put in with experimenting on all kinds of different creams/washes/scrubs was pointless because it kept my skin from healing instead of doing what it said it would do – fix it. took a while for me to really realize the damage that make up had on my skin as well. shouldn’t the priority of any advertising be a warning of how fucked up these products actually are?

??????????

moving on…
thanks to my boyfriend’s love of nature and desire to have a farm, we have started 3 – planting our own greens. lucky me!

b1 b2

we now have a LOT of stuff growing in and around the house. aloevera, oregano, chili, lime, papaya, brinjal, ladies finger, cucumber, sunflower, caladium, citronella geranium (anti mosquito plant) and crawlers. watching and waiting for them to grow is such a joy and torture at the same time. i wish i could go to sleep and wake up to fully matured plants that are flowering/fruiting but that’s just not how nature works, is it?

this process of going natural is teaching me to be patient and content with what is. i have discovered that being one with nature is extremely relaxing and healing. it’s shocking how people have drifted away from everything natural to live in a society centered on stress. work and technology. i personally would not remove technology from anyone’s life, but i think balance between the new and old is key. if you asked me, everyone should grow their own edible fruits/vegetables. it’s cost effective too, not having to buy greens once u can just harvest your own!

life has been so good to me! i find myself increasingly happier by the day and even when i don’t ask for more, happy things keep finding a way to sneak up on me and smack me right in the face.

b4

our cat (shpongle) had 3 kittens a week back. they are too adorable! when we had shpongle and her first 3 kittens, their genders were almost impossible to guess. but since having them and knowing what to look out for, i’m pretty sure we just had 2 boys and a girl. full confirmation only possible when the boys’ balls become visible :D

flower child

sometimes it catches me off guard when people are so surprised at how much i’ve changed.
i wonder why? i have always been an endless bag of surprises.
my inconsistency is consistent and i’m constantly trying to grow heaps beyond my comfort zone.

i love change. it’s something that happens whether or not i want it to, so why not embrace it and take life as it goes? i know that at any point, who i am is not who i’m going to be a year down the road. heck, it might not even be who i am when i wake up tomorrow.

nowadays, i guess i would say i’m a hippie. having said that, i can’t say for sure i know what a true hippie is, or what the term means to anyone else. or that a hippie is even any one thing in particular to begin with. to me, being a “hippie” is about love. loving myself, loving nature, loving people – good and bad, loving life.

some people call me a hippie sometimes, and they don’t mean it in a complimentary kinda way. they use the word when i say something “out there” and being a hippie then means it is expected for me to be talking rubbish. they say i’m a hippie like being a hippie is not normal, or silly, or i have no understanding of what real life is all about. like, it makes sense to be more like them, instead of myself.

once in a while it makes me sad. it is not that i need people to understand me. i have plenty of wonderful souls in my life to whom no explanation is necessary. what makes me sad is that so many people just don’t see themselves, or the bigger picture. but in that moment, it makes no difference what i say because what they take away from our conversation is dependent on their perception, and not mine. so i don’t say anything more. i just smile in acknowledgement of their judgement on who or what they think i am.

there are so many things i want to change in the world around me. most of which are completely out of my control. i know that. so the only thing i can continue to work on changing is – myself.

i can only hope for everyone to realise, the way i did; that the strength for anyone to face the true reality of life is buried within themselves and not sitting at the end of some chase. there’s no reason for humanity to continue on its downward spiral of unsustainable living.

or so thinks some incoherent rambling hippie girl :)

point of no return ;)

point of no return ;)

yes, i’ve started dreading my hair! the lower half of my head is done, and i’m working on the rest of it now. taking ages because i want to do this naturally. no wax/products. i now understand why people say that dreading is a journey. i can’t wait for my dreads to slowly mature and grow long. i can’t wait to grow with it :)

Tagged