Category Archives: bitching

circle of Bitches

Growing up as a girl, I have come to discover that there is no such thing as a friendship without bumps. Many times before, I’ve shared stories with guy friends, who have said things like “Ya’ll are such bitches”, “Why you such a drama queen”, “I don’t know what to say coz it’s never happened to me before”, “Guys don’t fight over things like that” and the most popular response “Girls! (commonly followed by rolling of eyes and/or a really lousy attempt at mimicking said bitches”.
I used to wonder, was there something just flat out wrong with me? Or are guys just being guys by saying that, the same way they say all female drivers are bad.
Then I grew up and realised that there’s a whole lot of truth to what’s been said, however much we may want to deny it. While I wouldn’t agree that all female drivers are bad (maybe just the majority), I do believe now that girls in general are way more catty than guys.
I have had many misunderstandings with many friends over time. And 9 out of 10 times, they were girls. Including the most gathered, supposedly matured ones. Is it because we’re just born that way? Or do friends make the difference? Goes back to the ongoing “nature versus nurture” debate.
Anyways, I wanted to write this post because I was going through random old messages and comments, and I came across one that said “you’re so lame. get a life. stop hanging out with my friends”. And reading that made me think. What the hell is that supposed to mean?
I get the you’re so lame part. Sometimes I am nothing but that. And telling me to get a life, even though technically I am alive and therefore I have a life, my life, I still understand the concept of that line. It must have come out of concern that my life was not entertaining enough, and I should find exciting things to do.
What puzzled me was “stop hanging out with my friends”. And after thinking about it for a bit, frankly it pissed me off. Lets put this in a situation everyone should understand.
I hang out with FriendA. FriendA brings GroupOfStrangers along. FriendA is a somewhat close friend, therefore hanging out is a common recurrence that leads to a large amount of time being spent with GroupOfStrangers as well, turning GroupOfStrangers into GroupOfFriends. FriendA and I have a fallout and stop hanging out anymore. Does GroupOfFriends (who I have ended up spending time with and getting to know) then go back to being GroupOfStrangers?
I DON’T THINK SO! And in that case, where do you get off thinking that you have the right to tell me to stop hanging out with your friends? Even if it started as a group of strangers, after spending time together and getting along, haven’t they become my friends as well?
I wouldn’t have been so pissed of then or now for that matter, if what she said had stopped there. But FriendA went on to bitch about it to every Tom, Dick and Harry. Ruining my mood for a good two weeks.
So I shall say this now (in full agreeance), as my male counterparts have so eloquently put it,
We say the stupidest things sometimes don’t we?

One Malaysia What?

I think this One Malaysia thing is bullshit. Really.
Was watching TV and some commercials just make me roll my eyes.
Do they really think colour doesn’t matter? Race? Culture? Religion? Coz if that’s what the government is trying to do, why do we have to fill up all that information when sitting for exams? Why’s there a quota system when it comes to almost everything?
I remember being told back in my school days that I’m lucky coz on paper I’m Indian. Coz if I was Chinese I’d have to compete harder to get into Universities. More smarter people meaning less places. Some of my chinese relatives even refer to me and my brother as kelenga kia. (meaning “indian kids” in a chinese dialect). Not directly to our faces, but relatives gossip and word gets around.
Don’t take this the wrong way. I don’t have much problems with racism. I’m racist myself too sometimes. I don’t think it’s nasty coz I’m racist towards some of my own kind as well. I just hate the fakeness of all these advertisements/slogans/campaigns. We’re not a country of people who love each other and just get along. We might be trying to get there, but we’re far from being “One Malaysia”. So why not save the advertising for then?
I also hate the Bumiputra term. Was I not born here? Am I not native?
If they’re trying to make us all feel like this is our country, then they should fucking do it right.
Stupid irritating commercials.

Today I Learnt

I don’t know why I bother believing in the bullshit guys say. That whole, “I’m not like all those other guys out there. I wouldn’t do that to a girl” crap, is just that. CRAP. Makes me appreciate being single a whole lot more. I’ve almost forgotten how much heartache comes with dating.
Today, I also learnt that it sucks more when the guy isn’t a random person hurting me, but a close friend hurting someone I love. I don’t know how to begin to react to this. Am I supposed to pretend to be fine with everything? Coz really, I’m not. I know how bad I’ve hurt in the situation. You know how bad I’ve hurt. How could you say that you wanna hurt guys that have done that to me, then end up doing something stupid like that to someone else yourself?
If you weren’t someone I’ve known so well for so long, now would be when I’d say I hate you. Seriously.

So much Strength

You know what I was thinking? It takes so much more strength to not believe in God, than to believe in him. Really. I was jumping through blogs and came across a couple of religious posts (yes, a person like me has religious friends) and it felt like all they were talking about was the strength they had from believing that God’s there to “watch over you and lead you towards the right path”.
Who do us non-believers have to count on at the end of the day? Ourselves. And isn’t it harder to face reality that way? Something goes wrong in life, I don’t turn around and say “God is with me, everything will sort itself out”. Faced with an obstacle and I don’t go “Nothing could oppose me because my God is with me”. And I’ve never prayed for God to “Keep me together and keep my sanity”. And yet, I’ve managed to stay sane. Well, for the most part.
Why is it that people still feel the need to tell me to go to church and pray to God? That once I surrender myself to him, I wouldn’t feel so lost anymore. I think I’ve done pretty darn well considering the things that I’ve had to deal with over the past few years. I have not blamed anything on God, so why should I turn to him to plead for a break? Really. What’s the logic in that? Whether or not I believe in God, life will go on, and things will continue to happen. Will it not? You have your source of strength. I have mine.
I’ve had it with the many “You should change your ways and repent” talks. The “I love you (but not really) and that’s why I’m saying this to you” put downs. Have you stopped to consider that maybe sometimes I think you’re the one that’s weird. I just don’t believe that weird is bad. If I’m fine with you just the way you are, why don’t I get the same kind of acceptance in return? And if you know it’s that way, how could you think that being judgmental makes you so much better of a person than I am?
Honestly I don’t mean to offend all the religious people out there. you may not be in reference to anyone. Or, it might actually mean YOU. And in that case, YOU may take offence, then proceed on to walking out of my life. Don’t really want you around anymore anyways.
You have your way. I have my way.
As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.
– Friedrich Nietzsche.

WTF Migraine!

I don’t if it’s insomnia that’s causing this migraine or the damn pain that’s getting in the way of my sleep.
Either way, it’s fucking pissing me off. Ponstan hasn’t eased the pain. I don’t have sleeping pills at home. And even if the pharmacy was opened at this time, I still wouldn’t get up to go buy it coz my head hurts a whole lot more when I stand up. FUCK! I just want to fall asleep. Is that so much to ask for?