Category Archives: FOOD FOR THOUGHT

let go

it never ceases to amaze me, how much we can be blind to our own actions and thought patterns. very often to the detriment of ourselves and the people around us. i spend a lot of time trying to understand things. mainly myself.

you see, i have an issue with things feeling out of control. with not being able to find or believe in a solution to what i perceive to be a problem. and when i worry about what my mind believes to be an inevitable negative outcome, i panic. i get frustrated. i get angry at the things or people who i believe to be causing these situations i can not avoid. because i believe that i am capable and willing to make the necessary changes where the other party is not. and then i push. i demand for change because i believe that only change will alter the outcome that i am so afraid of. and more often than not, that is not what the situation needs – because things spin out of control even more and everything repeats – just more intensely. that is my loop.

kindness is what any situation needs.

i have learnt that the only way to overcome myself, is to take a step back and breathe. to let go. to detach from the situation and the justification i feel towards being right or wronged. to observe myself and those around me. to understand their side. their imperfections, and mine. to accept that by letting go, the inevitable outcome i fear will indeed take place. to not fear it anymore. to know that i will get through even the roughest of patches. to know that i will be stronger for it. to remember that every experience brings with it a space for me to learn and grow. to accept that this is my journey.

to stop there and not expect the same understanding or treatment in return.

to not expect anything.

breathe.

love. surrender. give.

let go.

flow with the currents of life.

be free.

7pm

it was drizzling gently as the sun began to set while i hurriedly tried to make sure all the grass was cut before my having to pick my dad up later in the evening. fingers crossed that maybe he’d be a little impressed, or at the very least not disappointed in my housekeeping skills. lol. yoong and i spent a whole chunk of the day out – grocery shopping and picking up essentials. i also decided i wanted to make some naan with chicken makhani – a good hour plus to prepare. by the time i was done, i realised i hadn’t left myself with much time to get the grass cut. we have a little trimmer which gets the job done. a good investment for the price we paid – which actually wasn’t very much at all – which unfortunately also means it doesn’t cut very fast. then out of nowhere, this grass cutting guy pulls over on his bike outside our house, waltzes right in without asking or checking with us and insists very stubbornly on cutting our grass. usually when people do stuff like that, they do it part expecting some form of payment but he kept telling us he’d do it for free. and then he did. what a pleasant surprise.

as if the day hadn’t been perfect enough. the universe sends us a synchronicity to perhaps reward us for getting back on track with life and deciding to be that much more hardworking and responsible. we’ve slacked the past week or two because everything was hanging, uncertain if we’d leave to move or stay. but recent events made it very clear (to us) that we are happy being where we are for the time being. at least a few years. so we got back to taking care of the space. we worked hard to get here. it’d be nice to enjoy being settled for a bit, really get focused and functional – then move forward.

i believe in synchronicity being (one of) the universe’s way of communicating with us. to let us know we’re on the right path. the more we encounter “magic”, the more we know we are listening to our souls and following a good path. so i’ll take today as a really really good sign that we’ve recently made some beautiful choices. i mean, it’s not everyday that someone walks into your space and insists on doing something for you, for free, for no reason other than him wanting to do something nice.

there are so many things people don’t speak of. for fear of judgement or emotional breakdown, i’d imagine.

there are so many things i don’t speak of. that i don’t know how to speak of. that i don’t know who to speak about it to.

why don’t we just share openly? why should sharing change anything we feel about anyone we know? why should it ever be anything more than giving someone the space to set their pent up emotions free.

because the people in my past that hurt me are no less than i was – when i hurt others.

we are all, imperfect beings. we are good. and we are evil.

no one should feel victimized. no one needs to act righteous. there should be no attacking. just being.

and everyone can just be. imperfect as they are. happy as they can be.

free

is it just me? or do people seem to get more and more defeated by life as we all get older? my generation of people are now in their 20s, and finally understanding what it’s like to become part of the adult world. i have noticed so many people expressing their dissatisfaction with a dead end job, or one they don’t even enjoy doing, complaining about stress – but that’s all they do. they don’t seem to want to get out of those situations. they just put up with it, and be unsatisfied.

where was it said that we have to just get with the program and do what we are expected/told to do, to survive? did i not get a memo on that? is it naive to believe that we can do what we are passionate about in life, and still live?

it must come down to money. it always does. everyone thinking that we need money to be happy, to buy things, to go places, to enjoy life – which makes jobs our lifelines. our only means to survive, at such a young age.

no i don’t think that money has no importance in this world. i wish it didn’t, but we can’t change the situation we were born into, and it does. but i find it funny when some friends express their dissatisfaction and obvious desire to be free, then tell me that i’m lucky or they wish they could just have it easy like me. because i haven’t worked for anyone but myself in 4 years, work stress is non-existent to me but yet i seem to be able to buy things and go places.

but i don’t exactly buy things. not anything i don’t absolutely need. i survive because i live extremely thriftily. you know that new phone or cool gadget that just came out? i don’t. how about the latest brands or trends in fashion? i don’t. you’d have to tell me which make up or beauty care products are any good too, coz i definitely don’t know that either. and that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to things i don’t keep up with anymore.

i used to care so much. too much. and many years of whatever hard earned income i had went into a lifestyle that brought me no good or benefit. i spent way too much on going out, meeting people, partying, buying alcoholic beverages, having fancy meals, going on shopping sprees, holidays. but the satisfaction i got from any of that hardly lasted at all. they were temporary fixes, but never actually fixed anything. it was a lifestyle that had to be maintained at all costs, or the fun i was having would just stop. i wouldn’t be able to afford anything, and then what would i do? how would i enjoy myself? how would i be happy?

that is why i set myself free. i am lucky. lucky to have had all my fun at a very young age and learn my lesson right after, with more than enough time to make a 180 turn for the better, before my life truly began. i also earned my right to do what i enjoy doing and not be stressed out. my partner and i budget our expenses and save some for rainy days, not spending more than we should on anything that we don’t actually need while taking risks with business opportunities to find something we really love doing that will bring in a long term income so we can plan towards buying a land and being self sustainable to give our children (and parents in their old age) a healthy life closer to nature where money and stress isn’t everything anymore.

you can call me naive, but i know there is much more to life than just working a job to make a “living”. working days and hours that leave me with not enough time to spend with people i love, travel or work on skills and hobbies. money to go on pointless shopping sprees to reward myself and make up for the dissatisfaction. “stability” that enables me to get a loan to buy a house that i barely spend time in, and a car to get me to the wretched job that would be responsible of keeping me from truly living in the first place.

it’s all a big loop to me. where is the end? i see people of our elder generations – having lived their lives the way they were expected to – worrying about retirement and where they go after. worrying because whatever money they’ve made is still not enough to take care of everyone’s evergrowing needs. what’s really scary though, is that i see them unhappy. what good is monetary income and material wealth when our elder generations, 20 – 30 – 40 years ahead of us have in many ways achieved all of that, and aren’t happy yet.

we think we put up with work and all it’s torture in the now, so we can save enough – and then live the lives we wanna live. but if we don’t really think about the decisions we’re making, one thing just leads to another and before we know it, we are 70, with the best years of our health and lives behind us – then only realising there were so many things we wish we did different. it’s the someday syndrome. someday i will quit my job. someday i will spend more time with my family. someday i will travel with my friends. someday this, someday that. and then, that someday never happens.

39so to anyone with passion that i happen to cross paths with who is stuck in a situation that makes them unhappy, i try to say the same one thing. chase that passion now. follow your rainbow. even if it’s risky and isn’t what others expect of you – just do it. because we should, before more time is wasted doing what we don’t want to do. whatever age we are at now, we don’t gain any time by waiting a little longer. we shouldn’t let money be our sole guide in the now, especially if we are young! while we have the space to find what we want to do, we shouldn’t tie ourselves down to loans and job commitments. we owe it to ourselves to discover what makes us feel fulfilled, and from there – work on making a living from it. you can use your income to shop and travel all you want now, but if the reality that you go back to is something that’s not satisfactory, no amount of escapism is going to change that.

free yourself first. it takes effort and sacrifices, but the freedom is certainly well worth the trouble.

stop this train

you have a train of thought on which you ride when you are alone and quietly thinking. the self-worth you feel, as well as the happiness your life brings, depends upon the direction in which this train is moving, the baggage it carries and the emotional space through which it travels. between life’s stimulus and your reaction is where this space exists, within it is your power to choose how you react, and in your reaction lies your growth, freedom and happiness.

peace of mind. it’s one of those elusive things that money just can’t seem to buy. not that i would have the money for it – had it been up for sale. i don’t think i ever truly realised until recently, how important having some peace and quiet is to me. i always took for granted, my tendency to feel like taking a break from the world, to run back home, to drown myself in a project and actively meditate.

the world is a loud and noisy place. too many people, too many thoughts, too many opinions. i find, it doesn’t matter to me what anyone thinks anymore. i never did care too much but now, as long as i know i’m trying my best to let go of the comfortable restrictions that hold me back and change the inner workings of my mind for the better, i’m not opening up my space to let intruders in.

as i said before, it’s been 8 years of craziness. the past year’s been beautiful in it’s own way but what i really want to do now is completely remove myself from clutter for a bit to focus on my space and self healing. my greatest task now isn’t to find love, but to discover and destroy all the barriers within myself that i have unknowingly built against it. and once i have, i will be able to offer more to the people around me than i can now.

i believe it’s important to take a break every now and then. not an escape where you run from stress and your worries, pretend they don’t exist then go back to the same thing – but a breather after you’ve worked hard to reach a checkpoint in your life. a fresh mind before stepping into a new phase.

i am fortunate to be able to say i would like to spend half a year in peace and quiet. but i’ve also fought the currents of life hard to get here. ultimately, it’s not what you do every once in a while; it’s what you dedicate yourself to on a regular basis that makes the difference and i dedicate myself to living this way.

you are only destined to become one person – the person you decide to be. stay true to yourself. never be ashamed of doing what feels right. and don’t worry if your goals seem crazy to other people, oftentimes the crazy ideas are the ones that have the greatest impact ;)