Category Archives: home

a place called home

1989 kpg gajah homethis is the home i grew up in.

the only place that felt like home for a really long time even after we said our final goodbyes.

all my memories of childhood remain in that square terrace unit we rented at rm350 for almost 20 years.

i lived in all 4 rooms upstairs over time. each change of scenery for very different reasons. i helped paint the hall, put granite into the pavement and tiles on the floor.

i’m a sentimental fool, for the most part.
and i really love that house.

i didn’t even realise how much memory i have of home until ah ma passed away and all my dreams of her are set in that home.

DSCN1079this is home, right before we said goodbye.

i don’t remember when it was painted white. blue was a much better colour.

that is our mango tree ah ma planted back in the early 90s. come to think of it, our family occupied that house for more than 20 years. by 2013, i had already moved out but ah ma and ah kong had to shift to a new rented house in their old age when the owner decided to sell the whole row of houses and the new owners doubled the rent, then tripled it.

i shall remain bitter about that forever.

i went back to visit the house a month ago. just out of curiosity. the place is now covered by weeds and it’s clear the mango tree left with us. all that’s left is a huge bark and bald branches.

i dug through the jungle of weed and got to the windows in front. i know how to get them to open from the outside even if it’s latched on the inside. doing that reminded me of the many times i did in the past, to call out to ah ma so she could open the doors for me when i forgot my keys.

the inside was naked, except for my old piano sitting still in the middle of the hall. it still felt like home.

i thought seeing the place completely abandoned would have saddened me more, but i actually rather like how nature has taken over. better nature than people.




i have a new home now.
and a new family.


oh, the memories we’ll create.

i love you. goodbye.

this evening, my grandmother passed away. she was sweet, loving (especially obviously towards me) and always full of life & attitude. anyone who knows her would know what a colourful character she’s always been. she stayed true to herself til the very end in the most imaginative of ways.

she was my rock. when family fell apart, she was my home to go back to as and when i needed. all throughout my confused, distraught teenage (and young adult) years when i couldn’t seem to do anything right. she has always looked out for me, spoiling me in any and every way she could, taking care of me when i needed help. right til the very end.

we knew her time was coming. the plan was to maybe move her to taiping to be closer to me after we moved tomorrow, so i didn’t actually get to say goodbye physically. our last phone conversation has to be a good enough goodbye (for me). i told her not to worry about me anymore as i’m married, happy and well taken care of. that she could rest her worries. and that i love her so much. i hope that was good enough for you, ah ma.

i don’t know how to process this. i am so glad that my grandmother’s pain has come to an end. i am happy for wherever her journey takes her soul after this. i feel absolutely shit that i can’t go back right now and be there for my brother who has to sort a huge portion of the arrangements out because at the same time, my husband is in the hospital for dengue/denggi and collapsed lungs.

great timing, life.

i’ve made time to edit a photo in her honour and post this because really, i’m at home alone while my other half, best friend and only person i need to talk to isn’t reachable til i see him in the morning. i got home from the hospital, was preparing what i need to for tomorrow morning when i got the call from my mum, then tried to help my brother where i could and now i’m seated in front of the computer.

i’m afraid that once i finish and i have nothing to focus on, the reality of my current reality will only then sink in. this is going to be a night i will always remember.

i love you so much ah ma. so so so so much. you will always be a part of my heart. i know you are happier wherever your soul is now. you have given so much, you finally get the rest you have been waiting for and deserve so greatly. transcend in peace.


kasa baliyosa

it’s been 2 weeks of non-stop hard work, moving into our new home. but it’s no surprise that i quite like hard work and any kind of DIY project. it’s going to be a work-in-progress for a couple of months, but after 8 years of being in the spin segment of a wash cycle that is my life, i am so happy to have a real place to call a real home now :’)









Jet lag

An hour drive to the airport. 
3 hour wait to board flight. 

Sunrise from the plane.
6 hour flight.

3 hour transit.

Lunch to kill time.
45 minute flight.



Wow. It’s 9 in the morning. And i’m up blogging this early. So hardworking eh?

Dead wrong!!

I haven’t gotten to bed yet. Just got back from the cc. Crap lah, I totally need to get my body back to the normal routine. Its just that I was terribly sick the past 2 days. Down with high fever and everything that comes along with that. So i couldn’t sleep when I wanted to. And woke up at random times when I did finally manage to fall asleep. Damn pissing okay. Imagine being totally sick. Going to sleep just as the morning sun comes up. And I live in Penang. So it’s way hotter here. No air-con some more. Freaking hot by the time I actually knock out. Don’t believe, i jemput you to come stay at my place for a day, I promise you’d die of a heat stroke before you can even reach the bathroom to bath.

So anyways, in all that sickness, boredom and insomnia, I found the creativity to make this for my earrings that were annoyingly getting tangled up sitting in my drawer…

Lol. Okay, so it’s not like uber creative or anything, but can each and everyone of you think of making this by yourself, whilst being sick? And then actually make it? No right. Soshuttup. Thank you girl guides. Never thought that’d come in handy at any point. Even though the knots are still not perfectly tight. Its still all shaky shaky if I touch it.

Totally out of topic but hey, it’s my blog. So, I found out today that my mummy will be coming back in December! This december! YayYipaddyDoodaaWoohooLeapsIntoTheFreakingAir! Apparently I was the last one to find out, my grandmother, my brother and mum herself conveniently forgot to tell me. Geram! So, was skyping with her, and my grandma and grandaunt wanted to talk to her as well. This is them.

Old people and technology. Tsk tsk. So cute how they were stuck using earphones. See, my lappie is whacked and has no speaker. Well, not one that works anyways. Useless piece of crap. Problem solved lah coz I actually got speakers last night. Good! Now can listen to music loud loud and wake up all my annoying neighbours in the morning. HAHAHAHAHA!

Okay thats all for now.
Me wants sleep.
Like, now.